


Contra

by aaronzee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Humiliation, Illustrated, Infidelity, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Orgies, Threesomes, Watersports, cockslut dave, more characters/pairings to come, the main pairing is johndave but dave does the do w a lot of extra people, the watersports is skippable though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 00:05:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aaronzee/pseuds/aaronzee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a reason Dave spends every Friday night slinking around the locker room, a dark place with a faulty lighting system and a gross sweaty smell that promises him his darkest desires fulfilled.</p><p>Highschool AU in which Dave is the football team's fuck toy.</p><p>!! DISCONTINUED !!</p><p>im sorry but i probably will not continue this for a very long time, i have lost interest in homestuck for now and have moved on. i had a lot of plans for this so i cant just simply wrap it up right here. again, im sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chap 1 yo

**Author's Note:**

> i got this idea while i was in the shower ha hoo hua  
> yeehaw lets get this herd on the move
> 
> ps i hate beginning stories so sorry if the first sentence is godawful and shit
> 
> edit: okay i doodled a thing and added it in here hurhwurhufhghh
> 
> EDIT (8/22/2015): people are still reading this atrocity in 2015. incredible. *barfs all over the old art*  
> so anyway if anyone else really likes this fic enough that THEY want to continue it comment and ill send you my notes on how it was gonna end n u can take over

It was a calm, serene evening when Dave Strider arrived at his school, located just on the outskirts of Houston, on top of a hill that made the school building look quite ominous on stormy days and an inviting beacon of hope, promising air conditioning on days when the Texas heat was too much to handle. However, today the short, skinny blonde wasn’t heading towards the classrooms, instead taking a left turn and making his way down a worn, beaten up path down the side of the hill towards the rickety old football field. Dave didn’t particularly care about sports and couldn’t tell you the difference between a home run and a touchdown. The only reason he ever bothered to show up to any of the games held here, and endure sitting in the cold bleachers that always left him with a numb ass or a bruise every now and then, was the players.

 

He would not deny it; Dave had a boner visible from space for each and every one of the toned bodies that were currently running around on the field before him. The promise of tight pants and toned arms was enticing enough for the blonde to arrive every night once a week, occasionally twice a week if there was a home game. Unfortunately, if word got out that he was gay as fuck with an untamed hunger for cock he would be in deep shit, seeing as his school in the deep south wasn’t the most accepting of places, and not to mention most of the students there were hardcore Catholics. 

 

That didn’t stop Dave from fulfilling the pact he had made with the football team last year, when he was just a sophomore, returning to school with a braceless mouth and a new pair of shades. Back then he wasn’t exactly the most popular guy, and let’s face it, he’s still one of those kids in the back of the room no one ever really seems to notice unless it’s to throw a wad of gum or aim a spitball at. He had an issue where a gang of students, most of whom have been kicked out by now, would corner him after school and rob him, usually leaving him bleeding on the ground. It’s not like Dave didn’t know how to defend himself, it was just that he wasn’t allowed to have a sword on the premises, and when faced with a real life situation where the danger was real, he just tended to freeze up and all the self-defense he had been taught flew out of his mind.

 

By chance one day in November, right before Thanksgiving Break, the old team captain Cronus Ampora found Dave with a bloody nose and bruised ribcage, and gave him a proposition: be the football team’s community cumdumpster and they will give him protection. At first, he was disgusted, Cronus was notorious for being a slimy player, but after a few moments contemplating, he accepted. It was double win for him, not only would he be safe from the pocket knives and fists of his aggressors, but he would actually be getting laid.

 

Cronus had graduated and the gang had long since split up, but the football team decided to keep Dave around for some inexplicable reason, and the blonde wasn’t about to argue, not when he was getting some sweet-ass dick on a regular schedule. That was why he was spending his Friday night here, slinking around and sticking to the shadows as he snuck into the locker room, a dark place with a faulty lighting system that smelt like a mixture of sweat and barbecue that lingered even after the end of the season celebrations held each year. 

Dave leaned back against the cool metal of the rusty, faded lockers in the dimly lit room,  face the epitome of calm and collected, but on the inside he was a storm of nerves, his stomach flip-flopping more than a boat in rough seas. His foot tapped an anxious rhythm against the cold stone floor, the noise echoing in the empty room, betraying his aloof facade. He repeatedly swiped his tongue across his lips, wetting them nervously in anticipation as his mind raced with all the possibilities as to what could go wrong tonight. The team was late, they should have been there by now, what if they bailed on him, leaving him to be found by someone, he wasn’t technically allowed to be here, oh god what if they told someone-

 

His train of thought was derailed by the sound of multiple voices calling cheerfully with loud laughter, and a door creaking open. Dave pushed off of his perch against the lockers, the butterflies in his stomach migrating and being replaced by a cool sense of habit, the blonde knew what would happen next as if it was instinct. With a smirk on his face, the skinny boy turned to great the rambunctious football team as they tumbled into the room, shoving each other and joking around.

 

“Sorry for the wait Strider, coach made us run a few laps extra at the end,” a light, accented voice informed Dave. He turned, finding the quarterback, Jake English, already naked with a towel slung loosely around his waist, smiling a friendly little grin at him and clapping a hand on his shoulder. The hand stayed there, a gentle pressure as the tall, tanned boy turned Dave around and lead him through the crowd of men stripping towards the showers. “What’s on the agenda for tonight?” He said, his voice lowering.

 

Dave’s eyes swept over his companion’s toned abdomen, the man was all hard, powerful muscles and thin, wispy, black hairs, obviously sporty and a hard worker. A slight shiver went up Dave’s spine when his mind drifted to thoughts of him pinned down underneath him, his large hands pressing down and bruising him. Looking back up at Jake’s face, he replied in a slow, indifferent drawl, “Whatever’s fine with you, I’m up for anything. We can just do the usual thing where I blow a couple of you while someone fucks my ass.” The shorter blonde shrugged, an extremely casual gesture for someone who just said something that could get him a suspension and twelve hours of penance if the school ever heard him say that.

 

“Fantastic!” He winked and gave him a hard slap on the ass, moving into the showers to start turning them on. 

 

Dave had to force himself to move slowly to keep up his casual act of nonchalance as he fumbled to get all of his clothes off, the other team members making their way into the showers, greeting him and making dirty remarks that made him shiver, growing hot under the collar he struggled to pull off. Finally just as naked as the rest, he sauntered into the showers.

 

A blast of warm air and steam hit the blonde as he stepped inside the cavernous room. It was one of those communal showers with multiple shower heads and no dividers, completely defeating the idea of privacy. The tiles alternated in a pattern of white and pale seafoam green. The room reminded Dave of that one scene in The Goonies when the gang was pulling on all those underground pipes, causing the knobs in a shower similar to this one to disappear into the walls.

 

Dave had been coming to these football practices once every week for at least a year, and by now, Dave knew each of the football players in ways no one could hope to, and could identify each of them if shown a dick pic on a phone or Facebook cover photo of just their abs. However Dave noticed that tonight he recognized all but one.

 

He was tall, at the very least half a foot taller than Dave, and his skin was a few shades lighter than Jake’s. He had fluffy, messy black bed head and the deepest blue eyes Dave had ever seen hidden behind square glasses. He was slim, yet toned, a runner from the looks of it, and he held his arms around himself in an attempt to cover up, a stark contrast from the way Dave waltzed in with it all out there for show and tell, obviously self conscious. He must be a new player that Dave hadn’t met yet, it being the first practice of the season, after all. Dave put his hands on his hips, pursing his lips and sweeping his eyes up and down his body, examining him like a potential buyer at an auction. Dave paused on his face, and oh boy howdy, the breath was nearly knocked out of him when he saw the way he was biting his bottom lip nervously, gnawing on the soft-looking pink skin. Naturally, his eyes were drawn to this cutie’s dick, though all the Strider managed was a glance before he angled his body away, noticing the blonde’s unabashed ogling of him and subsequently sending a glare his way, which Dave returned with an eyebrow waggle and a cocky grin.

 

Dave was pulled from his reverie by a hand clamping down hard on his ass and a wolf whistle resounding from behind him. He grinned and turned around to find Jake standing there with Gamzee, the stocky defensive lineman with dreadlocks that put Bob Marley to shame, each with lecherous grins on their faces. Jake rubbed his hands together and let out a cheerful “Let’s do this,” eliciting chuckles from a few of the other players standing around showering. The blonde was more than ready to get this show on the road, wetting his lips in anticipation.

 

Dave let out a low groan as Gamzee shoved him down to his knees, his leg hitting the floor painfully as his slender fingers dug into his shoulders. The skinny blonde’s breathing was already shallow as he leaned forward eagerly and began pressing light kisses against the football player’s pelvis. He felt fingers thread into his hair, stroking his head lightly, encouragingly, when he finally put his mouth on the man’s flaccid cock, lapping at it and groaning as he felt it start to harden. Oh god, he loved dick so much, he would do anything to satisfy his insatiable thirst for a cock in his mouth and a dick in his ass. Dave was an unashamed cockslut, he knew what he wanted and he knew that he was going to get it. 

 

Dave licked and sucked at the dick in his face, taking the tip into his mouth every now and then, nipping lightly at the areas around the base and the top’s of Gamzee’s thighs. He felt a pair of hands on his ass, spreading him apart, and he shifted, pushing his ass out and spreading his legs apart, his erection bobbing as he tapped Gamzee’s leg, signaling for him to drop to his knees as well for a better angle. Dave opened his mouth wider, slipping as much of his dick in his mouth as he could without gagging, groaning at the taste of skin against his tastebuds, licking along the underside as he began slowly bobbing his head. The blonde felt slick fingers push against his hole and roughly push inside, eliciting a gasp and a needy whine as he popped off of Gamzee’s dick and pressed his cheek against him, eyes squeezed shut as his body jerked, a mix of pleasure and pain flowing through him. 

 

Slyly, Dave snuck a peek at the newbie out of the corner of his eye. His face was bright fuckin’ red, putting tomatoes to shame as he stared with wide eyes at the scene before him. Dave leaned back, pulling his face off of the man in front of him and turned to look at him, eyes lidded, and managed to choke out in a voice that was meant to sound cocky yet came out more breathless and needy than anything, “Like what you see, babe?”

 

The blue-eyed boy spluttered, flushing even more, as his teammates around him laughed. “Right, we forgot to tell you about this, John. You can have a go at him if you’d like.” Jake called good-naturedly at him as he squeezed some lube on his hand and proceeded to slick up his cock. Dave watched the action, licking his lips hungrily, unchecked lust taking hold of him for a moment. 

 

John scowled and looked away, grumbling “I’m not gay.”

 

“Neither are we, man, we just know when to accept a free fuck.” Gamzee rumbled, winking down at Dave. John just snorted and turned away again, trying his best to ignore the scene in the middle of the showers. Jake shrugged, and turned back to the panting blonde in front of him, pulling his ass further apart and pressing the tip of his cock against his throbbing hole. Dave whined, pushing his hips back as he took Gamzee back in his mouth, relishing the feeling of his hand in his hair tightening and guiding him farther down his dick, forcing him to deep throat. He didn’t gag, of course, he was probably more experienced than the head cheerleader at this. 

 

There was a sudden pain in his backside as Jake thrust in, not bothering to wait, which receded into a dull ache which made Dave’s dick throb and twitch. He moaned around the dick in his mouth before pulling off and letting out a string of curse words. 

 

“Fuck, please, go harder,” he groaned, his fingernails digging into Gamzee’s skin as he pushed back against Jake’s cock, thick and deep inside of him. He yelped when he felt him comply, hands gripping tightly into his hips with a bruising force and slamming him down on him repeatedly, Jake’s breath coming heavily behind him. Dave was moaning like a bitch in heat, begging loudly for “more, harder, yesyesyessss."

 

“Shit, okay,” he heard another player move away from the showers and step near him, too lost in pleasure to decipher who it was, only registering that there was another dick near his face, the owner rubbing themselves roughly. Dave opened his mouth wide, his jaw slack, and gripped their dicks together, lapping the heads at the same time, whining as his eyes squeezed shut in rapture. The feeling of Jake pounding into his ass, his cock against his insides, brushing against his prostate every now and then combined with the wonderful feeling of a cock in his mouth caused a warm tingling sensation to start building up in his crotch. 

 

“Shit, shit, oh god fuck! Fuck me, cum on my face, please, pleasepleasepleaseplease,” Dave begged, nearly crying from how good he felt. He trembled beneath the three men, barely coherent and focused on nothing but dick, dick, please more dick. 

 

“God, you’d love that, wouldn’t you whore,” one of the two in front of him groaned out, making Dave mumble out a whine, words beyond him at this point, at his husky tone of voice. Dave was close, so close, nearly at his release, just a little bit more, he needed to hold on just a little bit more. 

 

The incessant thrusting in his ass grew faster, more frantic as Jake neared his orgasm, Dave’s muscles clenching around him as he drew closer and closer. The blonde reached up and helped the two players jerk themselves, aiming their dicks right in his face as he moved his hand at a frantic pace, and finally, finally, they came one by one, thick, white streams of semen splattering and coating Dave’s chin and open mouth as he moaned and licked it up, hand reaching in between his thighs and desperately pulling at himself, the intense need to cum consuming him until he exploded into his hand, biting his lip hard and groaning deep, long strings of swear words. 

 

He collapsed onto his forearms, resting his head against them, breathing hard and letting out high pitched yelps each time Jake thrust into his over sensitive body. Dave nearly went cross-eyed from euphoria when he felt Jake spill into his ass, the bigger man groaning deep in his throat as he rode out his orgasm, nails digging into Dave’s pale back. 

 

After taking a moment to catch his breath, Jake pulled out, stood up, and walked over to one of the shower heads to wash himself off. Meanwhile, Dave remained sprawled out on the tile, breathing heavily, content and satiated, his limbs like jelly and his joints nonexistent. He closed his eyes, a small smile gracing his lips as he basked in the afterglow, reaching a hand up to swipe a a bit of leftover cum off his cheek, sticking it in his mouth after a moments contemplation. He hummed pleasantly at the taste then sat up, his breath evened out enough for him to sit up and see that a majority of the team had left. He noticed with a smug smirk that the newbie was still there in his corner, still pointedly ignoring him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> k so  
> id appreciate any kind of feedback on this im kinda iffy about my writing??? yeah
> 
> also if u find any spelling errors or grammar fuckups pls tell me omg


	2. chpatre 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive found that by illustrating this i feel much more motivated so ill probably keep that up im gomen for my shitty art though

Slowly, carefully, Dave stood up, his body aching in a way that made him shiver in contentment. He sauntered over to the unused shower head right next to John, raising his arms up above his head to stretch out his shoulder blades and back muscles. He looked down at the red marks around his hips that would be dark purple bruises come morning, stroking them lightly with his fingertips, lips quirking up into the tiniest of satisfied smiles. 

 

Dave chanced a glance at the man standing next to him, finding his body still angled away from him. God damn, he was even more magnificent up close. His eyes trailed up and down his height, taking in his toned legs up to his sopping wet hair. He wasn’t a buff  bara monkey daddy like some of the other players, but he still had well defined muscles on his stomach, a rockin’ bod’ that made Dave’s toes curl as he imagined his lips all over it. In the middle of his staring, the boy next to him met his gaze with a glare that put Medusa to shame.

 

Snorting out a laugh, Dave just turned back to his business, choosing not to push contact for now, reaching for the conditioner sitting on the ceramic ledge near the shower knobs. He hummed happily at the feeling of warm water droplets hitting his back, the water pressure here a million times better than the one at home, massaging a handful of soap into his golden locks. Behind him, the last of the football team exited the steamy room, leaving just John and himself in the awkward silence broken only by the sound of water falling around them.

 

As Dave reached for the body wash and began slathering it all over his skin, he noticed his newest fuckbuddy stealing quick red-faced glances at him frequently, a source of great amusement. He let him look, happy to at least be a source of interest for the other boy.

 

“So,” Dave started, trying to strike up some kind of conversation, slicing through the palpable awkwardness floating around them. “You a new player?”

 

John flinched visibly, mumbling something too low for the blonde to hear and turning his head further away, causing him to smirk. 

 

“What, you nervous or somethin’? I know just minutes ago you witnessed me screamin’ like a whore whilst in the throes of passion upon the floor, but c’mon babe, I don’t bite. Unless you’re into that.” He flashed the brunette a lecherous smile, joking around and winking at him from behind his shades.

 

“Hmmph, you wish, gay boy.” John growled grumpily, causing Dave’s smile to widen, amused. The blonde held his hands up in a defensive gesture.

 

“Alright, alright, I get it. You don’t like me. ‘Hot Blonde Twink Takes it in the Ass’ isn’t your first choice when browsing Pornhub, you’re more into the busty brunettes bouncing on-”

 

“That’s not it at all, I just- I don’t get it.” He turned towards him a little, Dave raising an eyebrow at him, not following. “Why do you let them do that to you? It’s kind of gross, to be honest.” Ah. Gross. That kind of stung. Dave shrugged it off as the new player just not being used to him yet.

 

“Well John, it’s all part of an intricate and top secret plan to take over the United States and replace every male in the world with gnomes in suits-”

 

“Be serious.” He cut off his would-have-been long metaphor with an unimpressed look.

 

“Fine Mr. Party Pooper, basically the team acts as my bodyguards around school while in the meantime I act as their personal unpaid prostitute. Just a booty call away, if you’re in need, I’ll be on my knees. That’s the Dave Strider motto, baby.” 

 

“I didn’t know that the whole team was...gay.” He spoke that with uncertainty, and Dave shook his head.

 

“Nah, I don’t think any of them are _actually_ gay, they just like me because I’m willing to do things their girlfriends won’t. Like how Jane is saving herself for marriage, I’m the only person Jake gets to fuck, as far as I know, and the girl Eridan likes doesn’t like him back so he uses me instead of her. Plus I’m more than ready to get freaky, if you know what I mean.” 

 

“You seemed very, uh, _enthusiastic_ back there.” He bites his lip and turned towards the blonde a little more, seeming to become more comfortable the more he talks to him.

 

 

“Hell yeah,” Dave replied casually, closing his eyes and tilting his head back into the water. “In case you haven’t noticed, I love cock. Like, a lot. And y’know when I got like three different sweet-ass dicks comin’ at me all at once of course I’m gonna be screamin’ like a porn star.” John’s face heats up at that, making Dave decide that a subject change was in order. “So, enough about me. What position do you play?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Football.”

 

“Oh, uh, running back.”

 

He let out a low whistle. “No wonder you got the legs of a cheetah. Fuckin’ graceful.”

 

“Ehehehe, yeah...” John trailed off nervously, pursing his lips and fidgeting. Dave, by now ready to leave the shower, raised an eyebrow at the brunette’s stiff posture and tense form. He had remained in the same position throughout that whole conversation, and the blonde guessed that it was still the same way he had been standing when he had first entered the room. It made sense that the rookie would be nervous but this was kind of odd. 

 

“Hey are you sure you’re...” Dave took a step towards him, but trailed off when he saw what the issue was.

 

John’s dick was half hard, struggling to get up all the way as its owner’s hands shot down to cover himself. “H-hey! Don’t look at me there!”

 

“Relax John,” Dave murmured, his voice growing quiet, eyes trained on the other’s fingers. “I can help you with that.” Hesitantly, slowly, as if he was trying not to scare the other boy, he stepped in front of him and rested his hands on his, eyes slipping shut momentarily as the familiar warm feeling of lust rose inside of him.

 

“I-I don’t think that’s really necessary-”

 

“Shush.” Dave cut the taller man off in a low voice, gingerly getting on his knees in front of him, easing his hands away from his cock.

 

Even half-mast his dick was one of the prettiest he’d ever seen. He wrapped his hand around the base, lightly stroking him to get him up all the way. He was long, about two inches in diameter, give or take, and felt nice in Dave’s grip. There was one vein raised along the side, a prominent ridge along the bottom, and the head was gorgeous, starting in a curved v-shape on the bottom and leading to a smooth, rounded red-tinged tip. Dave had never salivated over anything as much as he was now. 

 

Up above John spluttered and gasped, his face flushed and embarrassed. “I, Dave I- shit, woah there hold up!” Dave was paused in his ministrations by a hand yanking on his hair (oh god yes that felt great please pull just a little harder please please) and an insistent, bewildered voice calling his attention upward as he bit back a groan. “What are you doing?”

 

“Calm down, okay, this is my job.” Dave had never wanted another dick as much as he wanted John’s, he needed him inside him somewhere, anywhere, just fuck he was so attracted to this man, his dick was gorgeous. He gently caressed John’s hips, fingers just under his ass guiding him closer. With heavy lids the blonde looked up into the sparkling blue eyes of his companion, licking his lips slowly, not daring to breaking eye contact. 

 

John continued to stutter out nonsense words, fingers fumbling to get a hold of Dave’s hair, pulling him away and causing a flash of irritation to course through the blonde. He just wanted to wrap his lips around that pretty li’l dick and suck him until he was lightheaded. Growing impatient, Dave fought against his touch, pushing forward and trying to get just a little taste.

 

“Ssstopstopstopstop hold on!” John finally managed to form words, stepping back and pulling the blonde’s hands away by the wrists, eliciting a whine from him. 

 

“Come _on_ dude, what’s wrong now?” He growled irritably. 

 

“I-it’s just... I... STDs! Y-yeah, that’s it! I don’t want any STDs, I’m sure you’ve probably picked something up from all the people you’ve been with or something and I really don’t want to catch anything. It’s not like I’m grossed out o-or anything, really I’m flattered and all about this but-” John tripped over his words, beginning to ramble a bit as he spoke a mile a minute while Dave looked up, deadpan, and cut him off.

 

“Okay, for one thing it’s rude as hell for you to assume that, and I can promise you that I’m as clean as a whistle. Secondly, just take advantage of the situation, _please_!” Sensing that he was going to have a tough time getting John to comply he played up the theatrics in a last ditch attempt to seduce him, letting out the most seductive moan he could muster. “God, just please take advantage of _me_ , defile me, dominate me, force your cock down my throat until I choke, pleassse.” He purred up at him, shifting on his knees and spreading his legs apart, hand trailing down the heated skin of his chest, voice trailing off into a low murmur. “Fuck, let me touch you, you’re so hot, I need you babe, please please, make me your filthy little toy, your whore.” On the last word he gripped his hair and thrust his hips forward, keening lightly and gnawing on his reddening lips. Dave was confident in that he looked like every gay man’s wet dream.

 

He heard a strangled choke come from John as he grabbed for him, moving out of reach yet again. “I-i’m sorry, I can’t- Oh god.” And just like that, he dashed out of the showers and into the locker room, boner and all.

 

Dave felt like a small child, pouting over a lost toy as he sat back on his heels, watching John rush out with a frown. No one had ever denied him so adamantly, and fuck if that only made Dave want John that much more.


	3. chupitre tres

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt proofread this sorry for any mistakes if there are any

Eventually, after turning off all the forgotten faucets in the shower and a quick wipe down of his own body, Dave stepped out of the warm air into the contrasting cold of the locker room. The frosty air of the underground expanse nipped at his bare shoulders and raised goosebumps along his skin as he lazily dropped his towel and began pulling his clothes back on. He had to move carefully so as to not disturb his tender ass, Jake had really laid it on thick that night.

 

After John had run flustered from the showers, Dave had sat there pouting for a few moments before sighing and halfheartedly getting himself off for the second time that night, just wanting to get it over with now that his new boytoy had run away like a bat out of hell. He had idly mused that he could see why he was chosen for running back.

 

Once his body had once again been put away behind bars, he wandered around, looking at the mess the team had left strewn about the deserted room. Empty bags, discarded jerseys, and abandoned socks covered the benches, everything seemed to have been thrown on the floor instead of in the lockers. The sight was nothing new to Dave, in fact it was comforting even to see that the usual routine hadn’t changed at all.

 

Gingerly walking over to the exit, the blonde noticed that one locker door was slightly ajar, and was actually being used. Grinning to himself, knowing just exactly who’s it was, he crept over to locker number 413 and peered inside, quietly peeling open the squeaky metal. The inside of the door was decorated with a stack of magnetic post-it notes and various colored dry erase markers, while the bottom of the locker was home to a baby blue bag overflowing with something that resembled plastic armour. Dave had never bothered to learn the names of sports gear past helmets and kneepads. 

 

Humming quietly to himself, Dave began unabashedly rummaging through John’s bag, sifting through until he found something of interest. Socks, shorts, cleats, a dirty towel, his practice jersey, unfortunately no underwear, and- oh.

 

John’s mouthguard, shiny, translucent green and a little wet here and there, brushed against the back of his hand buried deep within the recesses of the bag. Silly notions of indirect kissing flitted across his mind when his finger traced over some leftover saliva, sending a thrill through him that made his toes wiggle. Satisfaction surged through Dave as he pulled it out and ran his thumb across the edge. Silly notions of indirect kissing flitted across his mind when his finger traced over some leftover saliva, sending a thrill through him that made his toes wiggle. Looking around to be sure that no one was around to witness his thievery, he pocketed it. 

 

To complete his ransacking of John’s locker he did what any respectable person would do: deface the post-it notes. Picking up the red marker he paused a moment to think of what to say before he scrawled out a message. To finish it off, he found a sharp edge poking out of the metal and sliced his finger open on it just deep enough to bleed. He pursed his lips, smeared his dripping red fingertip against them, and planted a kiss on the bottom of the note, taping up his masterpiece and smiling at his job well done.

 

Dave proceeded to slam the door shut then walk out of the locker room and back on the path at a brisk pace towards his beat up, old, rusted black Toyota. He hopped inside his baby, lovingly dubbed The Terminal Piece of Shit, and turned the key twice to get the engine to start, finally rumbling to a steady pace that made his seat shake. 

 

Once Dave turned on to the main roads, he glanced at the clock above his rickety old radio, and nearly slammed his foot down on the gas pedal when he registered 11:36. Swearing under his breath, he sped up a bit, going just a few miles above speed limit in an attempt to make it home without a hitch. Bro was gonna kill him. Not that the eldest Strider actually _cared_ about how late Dave stayed out, it’s just that he liked to give him a hard time whenever he got home late, seeing that he was seventeen now, and Dave didn’t want to arouse any suspicion that would lead to Bro snooping around and finding out what the boy was actually up to every Friday night.

 

Bro and Dave didn’t have the closest relationship. When he was younger Dave had idolized him, wanted to be exactly like him and had worked his little butt off at learning swordfighting so he could make him proud. Once he had entered middle school, however, Dave began to branch off from Bro, and slowly but surely all of the older man’s shortcomings had become apparent. Bro had his judgmental moments, a short temper embellished by his chronic alcoholism that just seemed to be getting worse, and left Dave and his older brother Dirk at home alone to fend for themselves and find the cash for food on their own for unpredictable amounts of time. 

 

The only upside to Bro’s absence is that every weekend he usually spent his time at the local bars and stayed there until the wee hours of the morning, allowing Dave the opportunities to invite some of his buddies over and get them out of the house and clean up before Bro returned to evidence that his youngest brother had a hankering for homo honker.

 

Dirk, the middle Strider brother, head of the schools science committee, first place winner of the science four years in a row, and candidate for a full ride scholarship at several college’s for robotics and engineering, was more understanding of Dave’s predicament. Though he didn’t exactly approve of his deal with the football team he was willing to leave the apartment whenever Dave requested, which allowed him to really get freaky without worry.

 

Dave felt his body heat up at the thought of his previous bedroom escapades and quickly decided to change the subject and concentrate on the road to avoid the third one-way ticket to bonerville of that night.

 

Just a few minutes shy of midnight, Dave’s old truck made it to the cold, moist concrete parking garage next to his apartment building at last. He leaped out of the beat up vehicle and briskly walked to the rickety old elevator. The old thing had a flickering light that cast an eerie mood, something out of a bad horror movie, and only went up to floor ten, forcing Dave to take another elevator to reach his apartment at the very top, floor twenty-two. The long journey was worth it, in Dave’s opinion, since each morning he woke up to a bird’s-eye view of the frothing, filthy city beneath him, the slums separating his home from the neatly-trimmed suburbs, and the high-class city beyond that never seemed to sleep.

 

The elevator doors jerked open accompanied by a tinny “ding,” and Dave stepped out, coolly evening out his face into his practiced deadpan expression so as not to arouse curiosity from his brothers, sticking his key into the lock on their faded vermillion door covered in nicks and scratches from swordfights gone awry. 

 

Immediately putting his guard up, muscles tensed, Dave eased his way inside the room, opening the door only enough for him to squeeze past to reduce noise from squeaky bolts, knowing it was a lost cause for the moment he closed the door Bro would be there, ready to interrogate and ruffle his hair in that older-brotherly way that pushed Dave’s buttons until they nearly popped off his shirt. 

 

To his surprise however, it wasn’t the breeze of a flash step he felt, but rather the quiet padding of socked feet against linoleum floor coming towards him.

 

“Hey.” Dirk stood there, hands shoved into his baggy jean pockets in a loose black wife beater, frowning slightly.

 

“Sup.” The shorter blonde pushed past his freckled brother and made his way to the couch, where he flopped down and turned towards whatever show was on, feigning interest when in reality he was hyperaware of every move Dirk made.

 

“You were out pretty late.” He took a seat next to him, back straight and legs together in an attempt to keep from touching the boy sprawled out over most of the space.

 

“Yep. What’s it to you?”

 

“Bro’s been gone since six, and I thought we could-”

 

“Sweet, I’ll probably have someone over tomorrow then.” Dave grinned to himself, still not looking at the older man, who frowned at him disapprovingly.

 

“Who knows when he’ll be back, are you really stupid enough to risk him walking in on you?”

 

“Sure am.” Dave flashed Dirk a grin, more emotion than he would ever show when Bro was around.

 

“I was thinking that maybe we could go out and do something together. Y’know, bro time.”

 

“...Gosh Dirk, I dunno man...” Dave was silent for a moment, stretching awkwardly. Dirk wasn’t usually one for affection, and usually kept to himself. The blonde was a bit suspicious, as in the past Dirk had done similar things to try and get him from seeing his lays, but there was something different about this, there was something in the tone of his voice that made Dave think that he _wasn’t_ just being an annoying cockblock.

 

“I’m going to be heading out to college in less than a year, I want to spend some time with my little brother.”

 

But then again, Dirk was a pretty good actor. That must be it, he just got better at being persuasive and seeming genuine, that’s all. Dave got up, patted his brother on his gelled head, and declined without a hint of remorse. “I gotta say no this time dude, maybe next weekend we can go out for pizza or something. We can sixth grade it up and even go to the arcade if you want.”

 

Dirk exhaled sharply before relenting and laying down on the space Dave had given up.

 

Dave made his way down the short, unlit hallway that led to the bathroom and three bedrooms, turning into the one with an oversized jpeg-crystalized poster of a Dorito hanging on the front. His bedroom wasn’t all that special, photos tacked up all over the walls, bed perpetually unmade, clothing piled in heaps and shoved into corners, video game consoles and computer all stacked onto one desk in an unnavigable tangle of wires and controllers. 

 

Shucking off his shirt and shoes, Dave sat down in the chair in front of the computer, wiggling the mouse to wake it up. While he waited, his hand trailed down into his pocket, absentmindedly fingering the mouthguard still taking up residence inside. The same warm feeling from before tingled through him. This time Dave let his mind wander, leaning back in his chair and unbuttoning his fly. 

 

He thought about how this little piece of plastic had a home inside of John’s mouth, had touched those sweet, full lips. He was envious of it, wanted to know how the back of John’s teeth tasted, how his tongue felt sliding against his, his lips against his skin. He wanted more than anything to feel his dick against his cheeks and down his throat, his cum splatter against his lips as he licked it up and swallowed.

 

Dave slipped his pants down to around his knees, pulling the mouthguard out of his pocket while one hand began squeezing lightly at his exposed and hardening dick. He brought the precious piece of plastic up to his face, looking at the teeth marks ingrained in it. Slowly stroking at himself, he brought it to his lips, took a deep breath, and gently ran his tongue along the edge, gasping a bit. 

 

He picked up the pace impatiently, putting the whole mouthguard in his mouth, situating it around with his tongue, making a gross slurping noise. It didn’t fit his dentition exactly, John seemed to have very large front teeth. Dave didn’t really care, it was kind of endearing, John was so different from him in ways he hadn’t considered before. 

 

His hand yanked and pulled at his cock, rubbing his thumb over the top and smearing around precum as it beaded up around the slit. He moaned around the mouthguard, a little disappointed that the leftover saliva from John didn’t have a taste, was overpowered by the bland taste of plastic. He brought his hand up towards his mouth in a half-assed attempt to muffle his groaning as he bucked his hips up into his hand, feeling himself drawing nearer and nearer to release. Fuck, he needed to come, he wanted John to be there, he wished it was John’s hand instead of his own, he wanted the taller man to whisper dirty things in his ear, wanted to actively be swapping spit with him instead.

 

At those thoughts he bit down on his hand, letting out a high-pitched whimper as he spilled over, aiming at his chest in a hazy attempt to keep from making a mess of the desk in front of him. Coming down from the high, breathing heavily and slumped down in his chair, revulsion coursed through Dave. He hurried to take the mouth guard out, flinging it away into his room somewhere, anywhere just away from him. He rubbed at his forehead, sighing. He was gross, disgusting, who even gets off while wearing someone else’s mouthguard. 

 

Dave had always known that he got off to rather unconventional things, but it still didn’t make him feel any better about it, especially when it hit him how creepy he was actually being.

 

In front of him his laptop interrupted his fit of self loathing, automatically logging in to Pesterchum and ringing to alert him to multiple new messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so heres the deal  
> exam week is coming up so i wont be able to post as often as i have been, gomen, itll only be a week-ish break i promise umu;;;;


	4. chapter si

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay a few things firstly tHERE IS WATERSPORTS IN THIS CHAPTER i know some people are uncomfortable with that ( i myself only like it for the humiliation part) but yeah you can skip through it if you want??
> 
> Start reading the section after the -- nine paragraph line thingies after the picture if u wanna skip it
> 
> yeah thats it
> 
> EDIT: how do you get the pesterlog coding to work??  
> edit 2: okay only half of it is working i frunking hate html i aint fuckin with it no more  
> edit 3: OKAY FUCK FINLALLY I GO TI TALL TO WORK HAPPY PESTERLOG TITS THREE AMM

As Dave lay in bed, fuming silently at the wall, arm wedged between himself and the bed that would lead to a numb limb sooner or later, processing the conversation he had ended just a few minutes prior.

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave, dearest, you’ve been sitting online, yet idle for closing in on twenty minutes.   
TT: Usually you’re rip-raring to converse with your favorite cousin, who lives so far away.  
TT: I miss seeing your lovely, plump little face every day.  
TT: Seeing as that was eight years ago, I would expect that those cute facial love-handles are gone now, yes?  
TT: ...  
TT: Still no reply, even after an insult.  
TT: Perhaps it wouldn’t be wrong of me to infer that you may possibly be, reasoning in that you are a teenage boy with what I have observed as an unusually high libido, jerking it?  
TT: Acquainting your hand with your meat torpedo?  
TT: Reeling in the spam porpoise?  
TT: Slinging yogurt from your eight-inch spoon?  
TT: Beating the meat?  
TT: Releasing your arsenal of billions of nano-sized bullets upon the poor citizens of 1940s London?  
TT: Your sperm is the Luftwaffe bombers, and you have lift off a little early it seems, weren’t the Nazis original plans to bomb Britain at night?  
TG: rose  
TG: as always its a pleasure to witness your herpes purple text grace my screen  
TT: Oh, no, the pleasure is all mine.  
TG: i can fuckin sense the smirk from all these miles away  
TG: the evil rays emitted from your lips is blinding  
TG: millions of innocent citizens are caught on the crossfire of sludge blacker than the bottom of the marina and the diamonds trench  
TG: you are the cause of the apocalypse  
TG: its all your fault  
TG: fuck you rose  
TG: you just couldnt keep your pryin eyes off of my penis  
TG: and you just had to wear the ugliest shade of lipstick known to cyberspace  
TT: I resent that statement about Marina, she is a wonderful woman, and also quite beautiful.  
TG: ew  
TG: lesbian  
TT: Ew. Gay.  
TG: is there a reason you interrupted your fabulous extravagant trip to paris to talk to me???  
TG: i thought you would be busy with your girlfriend  
TG: how are your lips not fused to her muffler  
TG: is it the sludge  
TG: is it not sufficient lube for you two  
TT: I thought you would be happy to hear from me after months of being absent. Don’t you think about me during your days, and all the advice and psychological help I’ve given you?  
TT: Also, don’t think I didn’t catch that jab at Kanaya, I told you, she has a condition.  
TG: not my fault shes so dry her pubes turn to cacti  
TG: anyways  
TG: back to the point  
TG: why are you botherin me in the middle of a wank  
TG: this was one of the best ones ive had in a while and talkin to you is killing my buzz  
TT: So you were masturbating? Glad to know that my intuition is still sharper than a knitting needle.  
TT: What was it about this ‘wank’ that made it so special for you?  
TG: oooooooh no  
TG: i aint havin this convo with you motherfucker  
TG: i can see you rubbing your hands together all evil like  
TG: standin over your witches brew all excited to get your knobby fingers into my sex life  
TG: think again motherfucker  
TT: I just want to help you, Dave. Look, I’m stepping back from my frothing cauldron, hanging up my robes and putting my enchanted broom back in the closet.  
TT: The very closet I helped you out of all those years ago.  
TT: Now I’m here as your guide on the journey in the real world. The world of throbbing labia and rock hard cock just waiting for the young homosexual to discover.  
TG: please dont ever mention labias again okay i had more than enough vaginal parts during sixth grade sex ed  
TT: Dave. Concentrate on the wank. Tell me, what were you thinking of?  
TG: you are insanely invasive  
TG: and also exceedingly creepy  
TT: You haven’t had a problem telling me about the adventures you and your best friend, the penis, have gotten into before.  
TT: I have a notebook dedicated to your two’s fantastical capers.  
TG: sighhhhhhh  
TG: i am going to regret this  
TG: SO MUCH  
TG: in the morning  
TG: just you wait  
TT: Yes. I have been waiting for a while now, David.  
TG: there you go with the full name bullshit  
TG: but okay  
TG: so like  
TG: theres this new player on the fball team this year right hes like runner or somethin  
TG: and holy shit is he hot  
TG: like so hot he breaks the scale of 1-10 hes not even a number  
TG: hes got these cute as fuck glasses and blue eyes  
TG: these eyes are so blue okay its like uh  
TG: what is that one rock everyone loves  
TG: sapphires  
TG: yeah thats the one  
TG: and his face oh man his jaw and cheek bones are shaped in this way that hes the single most adorable motherfucker especially when he’s all flustered  
TG: ive only ever seen him flustered and angry and he is cute no matter what expression hes got  
TG: his lips look rly soft too like most of the guys on the team usually have lips that are chapped as fuck but this guys nuh uh nope they looked perfect for kissing  
TG: and hes got a rockin bod like listen to me his skin is tanned to perfection and his muscles oh god feeling him moving beneath your hands is so  
TG: its hot okay it was an erotic experience feeling him moving okay i know it sounds weird but  
TG: it was life changing  
TT: Sounds like somebody’s smitten.  
TG: nah its just lust  
TG: like this guys dick OH MAN  
TG: dont even get me started on his dick it is gorgeous i just wish i couldve gotten at least a taste  
TG: so yeah like  
TG: the wank  
TG: i went through his shit after everyone left and stole his mouthguard  
TG: and when i was jerkin it i put it in my mouth  
TG: uh  
TG: is  
TG: is that weird???  
TT: It’s actually pretty dang creepy.  
TG: i knew it im so fucked up  
TT: That was partly a joke, Dave, don’t get so worked up.  
TT: It’s not creepy that you got off on it, it is understandable that an object like that could lead to sexual arousal. However.  
TT: The fact that you went through his belongings and stole an item that is invaluable to his ability to play football, is, in fact, creepy.  
TG: be more supportive of me instead of shooting me down at every moment god  
TT: What are cousins for.  
TT: Though I am interested in how strongly you reacted when you first saw this boy. It’s quite intriguing.  
TT: But that can wait until another day.  
TT: There was something else i had actually planned on talking to you about.  
TG: oh no  
TT: Hear me out, please.  
TG: no  
TT: I’m worried about you.  
TG: stop  
TT: I know you are completely aware of the dangers that come with having more than one sexual partners at one time, you’ve taken the courses.  
TG: rose  
TT: STDs are reaching epidemic levels in America, and I highly doubt that you’ve been using condoms.  
TT: I’m just worried that your sexual looseness will lead to more serious issues that will drastically affect your future. There is a big difference between being comfortable with expressing your sexuality and being fucking stupid.  
TT: Tell me Dave, when was the last time you had a serious, long lasting relationship?  
TG: ....  
TT: I think that all this constant stimulation is damaging your ability to relate to another human in romantic ways.  
TT: It seems to me that you are using the extreme amounts of sex you are having as a distraction and way to make up for your romantic impotency.  
TT: Do you think that maybe you are unconsciously saying, “I don’t need a relationship because I am having all this sex.” ?  
TG: rose stop flaunting your phd in psychiatry i dont need your help  
TT: What are you going to say to the person you love, when you find them, when they ask you about previous sexual encounters? How will you tell them that you’ve had sex so many times, with so many people, that you can’t count the number? What if you have a disease by that time?  
TT: I’ve expressed my opinion on the matter many times before, and I’m going to say it again, refresh your memory.  
TT: I advise you to end your ties with the football team. You are being foolish, stupid, and are throwing so much away. I’m not adverse to you having sex, you can do what you want with your own body, but how much is too much?  
TT: If you still need the protection that the football team is providing for you then why don’t you just consult Bro?  
TG: weve been through this okay i cant fucking talk to bro he wont understand  
TG: if he knew hed throw me out on the street  
TG: ‘you aint no strider in my eyes’  
TG: ‘i dint raise a lil faggot who doesnt know how to defend himself’  
TG: what if he was aware of how right he fuckin is his youngest bro is gay and cant hold his own in a fight and has to pay with his body to keep from coming home with a black eye  
TT: I see this is a very distressing topic for you.  
TG: fuck yeah it is im pissed  
TG: pissed at you for meddling in my life and pissed at bro for being a judgey piece of crap  
TG: and pissed at myself for everything  
TG: god i dont want to do this right now  
TT: Don’t stop now, the bandaid is only halfway off.  
TG: no fuck this shit  
TG: im out i cant do this  
TG: i cant okay  
TT: Dave, please.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

 

And now here he was, flung on top on his mattress, stewing in his own anger. Who the fuck did Rose think she was, telling him off like that, she’s not his parent, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Who cares if he’s having sex a lot, she was probably just jealous of him. Yeah, that’s it, she’s been stricken by the little green monster because he is having all of this wonderful sex while she’s stuck with a girl dryer than the valley of death. And what was with all of that criticism of his personal life?

 

Rose was wrong. She had to be.

 

\--

 

“Oh god, fuck yes, piss on me, make me dirty, ah!”

 

“You’re such a filthy little fag, you love being shown what a slut you are, fuck, look at yourself.“ 

 

A warm spray splashed against Dave’s pale, bare chest, eliciting a low groan from deep in his throat as he tossed his head back and frantically rubbed himself, on his knees in his shower, his hand made slick from the liquid trickling down his front and dripping onto the tile floor beneath him. In front of him, Eridan watched with a predatory grin, jerking himself as his pee eventually stopped dripped to a stop.

 

Dave groaned, he felt sticky, slick, wonderfully disgusting, as pressure built up in his nether regions. The taller man walked over, grabbing his hair and yanking his face back, rubbing his dick against the blonde’s face. Dave opened his mouth and struggled against his grip to try and lick his cock. Eridan’s dick twitching slightly in front of him and he threw his head back, moaning the name of the girl he had a crush on.

 

“Feferi...”

 

Dave’s eyes closed tight as feelings of worthlessness and humiliation washed over him. He was just a substitute, not really good enough for him, sitting there covered in piss as he jerked himself and allowed the verbal abuse to continue.

 

“You’re nothing but shit, look at how you’re begging for my cock like the stupid little whore you are.” The insults went on and on, Dave letting out low moans as his hips twitched, so close to release yet not letting himself cum until Eridan said he could. He wasn’t good enough, he was an unlovable whore, a fucking faggot. 

 

“P-please, let me cum,” he groaned breathlessly, sunbursts of arousal coursing across his skin. An image flashed momentarily in his mind of a tall boy with glasses and pristine blue eyes standing above him instead of the lanky wide receiver who was there in reality. Confusion flashed through him momentarily, causing his hand to stall, until a commanding snort brought him back.

 

“Do you think you’ve earned it?”

 

“Please...”

 

“Hmph. Whatever. Do as you wish.” With a shudder and a high-pitched moan of “Ohhh god!”, Dave spilled over onto his hand, cum falling on the already messy tile of the bottom of his shower. His shoulders sagged as he sucked in deep breaths, only just realizing he had stopped breathing and that Eridan had cummed as well, pelvis jerking forward once into his hand as he finished, getting semen all over the wall, just missing Dave’s hair.

 

The two boys slumped against the tile walls, wearily catching their breath. They both stayed there for a few minutes, silence stretching before them, neither knowing how to approach it. Deep down inside, Dave wanted the pompous boy in front of him to stay and run his fingers through his hair, reassure him that he hadn’t meant any of the things he had said, but he knew better than to expect any kind of aftercare from just another lay.

 

With a heavy sigh, Eridan pushed off against the wall and stumbled back into the bedroom and began slowly pulling his (highly fashionable) clothes back on. Warily, not really thinking about what he was doing, Dave stood and crept up to the adjoining door, resting against it as he silently watched him, working to find his voice again.

 

“...Do you wanna take a shower?” He meant for that to come out sounding nonchalant or aloof, but the rasping way in which he whispered it came off more as meek, afraid to make a sound.

 

“Nah, I think I’ll take one tonight when I crash at Fef’s place.” Eridan had just finished wiggling his hips into one-size-too-small skinny jeans, and was walking to the door. Without turning back, he added, “Thanks for the offer though,” and disappeared. 

 

Dave stood there, unmoving, dejected eyes towards where the other man had left, but not really focusing on anything. He was caught up in his emotions, a whirlwind of abandonment, embarrassment, anger, and hurt. It was stupid of him to think he’d get any aftercare, that was an intimate thing that only lovers did, he should’ve thought about that before he agreed to participate in something as psychologically taxing as that had been. He wrapped his arms around his middle, resting his forehead against the doorframe. It was absolutely moronic of him to continue offering his visitors his shower when each time they all refuse. And it was completely asinine of him to keep setting himself up for disappointment.

 

For the second time that weekend Dave felt like shit. He had to heave himself off of the doorframe and force his feet to move sluggishly towards the shower and start it up, washing all the bodily fluids left behind down the drain, erasing the evidence. The blonde boy moved in a dream-like daze, seemingly disconnected from reality, into the spray. He didn’t make any move to start cleaning himself off, he concentrated on fighting back the stinging in the corner of his eyes, he had kept it back for this long, no need to start now, but he couldn’t do it and a strangled sob escaped, followed by a stream of salty, warm tears. 

 

\--

 

Later that evening, after Dave had snapped himself out of his listlessness and hurriedly washed himself off in water run cold, the smallest Strider, wrapped up in a cocoon made of the blanket off his bed, looked up at his disgruntled brother with puffy, red rimmed eyes and a runny nose. Standing with his hands on his hips disapprovingly and blocking the younger boy’s view of the television, thick eyebrows lowered dangerously, Dirk tapped his foot like a housewife from an old cartoon.

 

“...I’m tryin’ to watch this show here, y’know. They’re showin’ how to make Cheetos.”

 

“Have you been crying?”

 

“No.” Dave’s response was too hurried, too sharp and defensive, and immediately Dirk knew, his orange eyes squinting at him. Dave knew he was in for _yet another_ lecture.

 

“What the _fuck_ , Dave? Like, literally, what the hell were you thinking earlier?”

 

“Hey man, stay out of my business.”

 

“Not when you’re in pain. I’ve told you time and time again, having people over like this is a bad idea, and now you’ve gone and gotten hurt. Look, I’m sorry that you had your heart broken or whatever-”

 

Wait.

 

What.

 

Dave sat up and raised his eyebrows at his brother quizzically. “Hold up, what?”

 

“I heard him saying someone else’s name. Seriously, I’m not deaf, even from in the corridor outside, he was yowling loud enough for the neighbor’s to hear.”

 

“Oh my god, Dirk,” a snicker forced its way out of Dave’s lips. “Holy shit, no, no way. That wasn’t why I was crying _at all_. Yeah, Eridan likes Feferi, but I couldn’t care less about what name he calls during sex, I was upset because of lack of proper cleaning up, y’know, aftercare ‘n stuff.” 

 

“So this guy does BDSM with you and doesn’t even have the courtesy to stay behind and help piece you back together?” Anger rose and became more apparent as the sentence went on. Dave swore he could see his brother bristling, and the image of Dirk as an angry cat popped in his mind briefly.

 

He groaned, exasperated, and flopped back down on the couch. “No, okay, I _don’t care_. It was my fault, I should have prepared better for this, okay? No harm done, it’s over and my mind is in one piece.”

 

Dirk sighed, glare softening after a while. After a moments deliberation, the older Strider reached out and ruffled his mop of shaggy blonde locks, sighing in defeat, not wanting to argue anymore, and patted Dave’s cheek gently. “You know I love you, right? I know I’m not the best brother, and am kind of a dick sometimes, but I really do care about you an-”

 

“Dirk. It’s okay, I know.” Dave smiled weakly up at him, eyelids growing heavy. He couldn’t handle any more emotional distress at this point, he was ready to pass out and sleep through the whole next two weeks. “Bros forever, right?” He wiggled around and fished his hand out of his body burrito, closing it into a fist and holding it out for a bunp. 

 

“Yeah.” Dirk knocked his knuckles gently against his, then stood up and wandered into the kitchen. Dave snuggled back up inside his personal paradise, mind wandering everywhere involuntarily as he struggled to remain awake. The last thing Dave remembered discerning from the fog in his brain was the sight of wet, black hair slicked against a beet-red face, hidden blue eyes and thick framed glasses looking down at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so turns out all my exams are next week instead of this week
> 
> wish me luck on my chinese test though ahrieuwhrhgh characters are hard


	5. chapter wu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 69+ kudos u know what that means ;)))))))))))))))
> 
> also please dont take the descriptions of the girls seriously, these are just daves impressions from afar (and most certainly are not how i see them at all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, i had forgotten all about the summer gym classes i have to take for the next two weeks, and i just got three new kittens, so theyve been taking up all of my time ;;;;
> 
> I FORGOT IF I HAD NAMED THE HIGH SCHOOL IN THE PREVIOUS CHAPTERS???? IF I DID IM RENAMING IT THEN

The rest of the weekend passed by relatively uneventfully, with Dirk slyly (as obtusely and obviously as an elephant) watching Dave over his shoulder, making sure nothing bad happened to his baby brother, fingers twitching at any sign of distress with lips quirked down and at the ready to release a whirlwind of lecture and overzealous support. Bro was still a no-show, and Dave had considered getting suspicious, but drove such thoughts away when he remembered his guardian’s previous hectic patterns of home presence. Rose had continued attempting to contact the youngest blonde throughout Sunday, to no avail thanks to a shiny red pixelated button that read ‘block.’ All in all, Dave considered the weekend good, despite the frequent hitches in his happiness.

 

Of course, every nice thing must come to an end eventually, proven by the ever-present necessity that is attending high school every Monday morning. After groggily heaving himself out of bed, slipping in the shower and nearly giving himself a black eye, missing his mouth and smearing butter and toast crumbs all over the side of his face, Dave clambered into his truck and set about the usual task of getting the damn thing to start up in time to make the twenty-five minute drive before the bell rang at 8:15. 

 

Once his gas-guzzler managed to jerk into the parking lot, Dave parked as close to the school as possible; on the farthest end of the lot. Students were milling about around outside, a picturesque couple was making out and playing grabhand on the hood of the car next to him, chainsmokers were exchanging cigarettes on the far left end of the row, and honor students were rushing to get to their before-school club meetings before it was too late. As he took the keys out of the ignition slot, one scene in particular caught his eye. Over near the entrance of the football field, where black pavement blended with concession stand concrete, the cheerleaders where flirting it up with the football team. 

 

The head cheerleader, Jane, notorious for her temper and killer cupcakes, heiress, as she liked to call herself, to the Betty Crocker Baking Company, and rich enough to own a swimming pool within a swimming pool at her walled in, four-story, 50-acre mansion estate, was draping herself over Jake, making the soppiest, gooiest, ‘so-in-love’ look towards him. The other members, whose positions Dave never cared enough about to learn, were unabashedly flirting with the other football players. Nepeta had her arms wrapped around Eridan, who looked like he was angry enough to punch her in the jaw, what if Feferi happened to walk by and see him covered in another girl? Roxy, resident drunk who had been sent to rehab more than once in the course of a single semester, was all over Gamzee, trying to get some sugar (she was probably already buzzed, like usual). Aradia, who had earned a full-ride scholarship to an archaeological college in her sophomore year, was playing with Tavros’, the back-up quarterback, mohawk, and Terezi, who was nearly blind with a tendency to hit people with her cane in the halls then write it off with a giggle and dainty ‘oops!’, a killer gymnast, able to do a triple flip off of a girl’s shoulders and stick the landing with the grace of a phoenix, was rubbing her tongue all over a flustered Karkat’s neck. The rest of the cheerleaders Dave couldn’t name, one was ‘a rad knee’ or something, were in similar predicaments. Most of their posse accepted the attention with gusto, flipping skirts and grabbing tit at any opportunity they could. Curious as to how John was reacting, Dave leaned forward in his ratty old carseat and squinted, trying to discern who was who in the mingling crowd.

 

To his disappointment, he was no where to be seen.

 

Deciding he’d creeped on everyone long enough, the short blonde opened his door to step out. However, unexpected tension pulled him back as his left foot reached for the pavement, not quite making it, causing the blonde to lose his balance and fall, smacking face-first onto the ground below. 

 

Laughter and giggles erupted around him from the few eyewitnesses who happened to be close enough to see his dramatic entrance. Though Dave would never admit it, his face burned brighter than embers as he yanked his shoelace free from where it had snagged on the gas pedal. He then stood up, brushed himself off, and proceeded to walk up towards the school building with such confident grace that those who had seen his blunder would immediately forget it and instead focus on the tiny nod the blonde gave to his peers as he passed.

 

Oh, who was he kidding, Dave knew that come third period two-thirds of the school would have been told the tale and he would have to endure their cruel jibes and taunts. Chances are he wouldn’t be able to sit in the lunch room today, as was a common occurrence anyways.

 

Finally, after a walk that made him feel like a soldier walking through a mine field, Dave made it to the translucent glass doors, covered in dirt and fingerprints from the particularly oily skinned portion of the population, that welcomed him to Skaia High, the gem of the county. Complete with state of the art science labs, a gym large enough to hold two basketball games at once, and furnished with only the best of furniture for the little angels that attend.

 

At least, that’s what it had been hailed as back in the ‘60s. Nowadays, the paint job in every classroom was faded, the science labs lacked the proper equipment for the students to truly conduct experiments, as proven by Jade Harley in freshman year biology, who had managed to make her bullfrog explode. Half of the gym had long since been damaged so badly that paper dividers where put up and it now served as a storage unit for whatever junk no one needed anymore but didn’t want to feel guilty about throwing away, and the desks groaned and squeaked under even the lightest student suffering from an eating disorder’s weight.

 

The forest green lockers that lined the cold, tiled hallways were rusty with sharp edges that poked out, hungry for an unsuspecting hand to slice open and mangle. Dave’s locker in particular had a lovely little habit of not closing all the way, making a lock impossible to fit into the hole and therefore causing him to get robbed as frequently as rabbits mate. As he opened it, skillfully twisting his hand around it in a way that would protect his palm from being defaced, it released its familiar demon screech, creaking and clanking when it slammed against the adjacent locker.

 

Dave’s hand was brought to an abrupt halt mid-grab for his physics book when he heard a familiar, high-pitched and eternally jolly voice calling for him.

 

“Daaaaave! Hey buddy, how’s it going, what’s up, how was your weekend?” A tan girl a good foot taller than him with frizzy brown hair done up in a ponytail waltzed up to him, waving emphatically. Dave’s lips quirked up into a smile at the sight of her, all flailing limbs and goofy, bucktoothed smiles all aimed at him in a concentration of happiness and sunshine. Her Squiddles backpack jingled with her myriad of keychains clanging together, her long skirted swished around her as she skidded to a halt and wrapped a long-sleeved arm around his elbow, leaning on him and gazing down at him with sparkling green eyes.

 

Jade Harley was a gem, a treasure, a rarity, a beauty; she was Dave’s best friend, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

 

With a considerably brighter outlook on the day, Dave unwound their arms and took her hand, calmly chatting with the animated girl as the sauntered down the hall towards the biology lab.

 

\--

 

After getting seven spitballs lobbed at the back of his head during second and third period, as well as dodging a punch in the hallways in between classes that would have sent him flying towards an open locker where he would have, inevitably, been stuffed inside, fifth period study hall finally rolled around. Dave took his seat at the far end table of the cafeteria, the one nearest the men’s restroom, and took out his usual form of entertainment: his sketchbook. Now, Dave wouldn’t call himself a _great_ artist, but in his eyes he was certainly one of the _better_ ones in the school. His true passion honestly lay with photography, but since the rundown old school ‘couldn’t afford any more fine arts programs,’ as the Board of Directors had put it, Dave had to let his creativity flow in the form of his comics and a portfolio full of crudely drawn purple penises, as well as detailed diagrams of anal sex.

 

That year’s art show was the closest he’d ever gotten to being kicked out of the school.

 

Flipping open to the next blank page in the flimsy notebook brought Dave to a surprise from Jade. His lips twitched up into a brief smile when he read her cheery greeting of “ have a good day dave!!” surrounded by flowers and a crude doodle of her smiling at him. Dave popped open a red pen, his usual tool of the trade, and scribbled out a self portrait, copying her style and labeling himself as ‘cool’ and her as ‘loser.’

 

Satisfied with that, Dave set to work with his usual task of covering as much paper in bright red dicks and doodles of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Today however, it didn’t look like that was going to be the case, for by the time study hall had been going on for five minutes he had already filled over half the page with phallic doodles and was quickly growing bored. Leaning his face against his open palm and propping his elbow against the smooth surface of the table, he sighed and tapped his pencil against the paper. Even keeping up a simple beat proved to be a difficult feat due to his attention faltering and his mind quickly wandering, nothing really grasping him as fun or engaging.

 

Without really thinking about it, he let his hand move of its own accord across the thin paper, just drawing whatever felt like coming out. Soon enough, Dave was snapped out of his daze to see a crude image of himself and John making out. His cheeks bloomed a bright shade of pink for a second when he considered how his subconscious came up with _that_ of all things.

 

Normally Dave didn’t draw anything too incriminating inside of his notebook, but that day it turned out that he was throwing all logic out the window as he set to work with renewed determination in the final blank space available, drawing a more realistic version of John’s tongue in his mouth as he leaned over the paper to shield it from curious eyes.

 

Mostly Dave was just doing it for kicks, but as more and more of the drawing came to life beneath his pen, he began getting a sick sort of thrill at being able to actually see his fantasies before him. It was nice to realize that he could bring his thoughts onto a more tangible plane. Plus John was hot, and Dave enjoyed drawing hot guys, it was _just a coincidence_ he decided to draw them sucking face.

 

Dave’s brief power rush was interrupted by a sharp thump on the back of his head, causing him to jolt forward and almost ruin his hard work. Angrily, he whirled around in his seat, ready to lash out at his assaulter, but stopped short when he saw the tan, broad-shouldered form of Jake casually sauntering out of the cafeteria and past the bathroom, out into the halls.

 

Blinking, realizing that Jake had just initiated The Signal that meant for him to follow for The Sex, Dave turned back and hastily began shoving his things away into his messenger bag, standing up and causing his chair to squeak loudly as he pushed it underneath the table. Once he had properly obtained permission from the on-duty teacher in the form of a bored grunt from the old man’s mustached lips, he walk-ran out the door, trying not to look too excited and maintain his noncommittal image. 

 

Dave’s stomach squirmed as he thought of what was to come, the possibilities were near limitless, there were so many unused rooms in this school, so many positions to try, the possibility of getting caught always gave him a thrill, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it for as soon as he hit the south wing he was slammed against a locker as a mouth attacked to his.

 

Dave groaned into Jake's mouth, sloppily running his tongue along the curvature of the other boy's cheek. He felt more than heard the moan he got in return as he sucked on the other boy’s tongue, nipping at him gently when he pulled away to catch his breath.

 

Breathing heavily, Jake looked at him with heavy lids and whispered, “The janitor’s closet is empty.” He impatiently began pulling the smaller boy towards their destination, fumbling with the door handle and nearly pushing Dave to the ground when he managed to swing it open. Dave found his eagerness amusing; while he himself felt the same level of excitement, he was much better at concealing it than his companion.

 

Dave chuckled, winded, and replied, “Perfect,” before going back to kissing him with a bruising force. “What are we doing today?”

 

“Is a sixty-nine okay? I’ve always wanted to try it...” Jake asked hesitantly then trailed off uncertainly, as if he wasn’t sure if the blonde would be up for it, once the door was closed and locked behind them, plunging the cramped room into darkness. A shiver ran up Dave’s spine, followed by a rush of heat to his face and crotch. Yes, a sixty-nine was more than okay, that was perfect.

 

Dave opted to reply with a grin and waggle of the eyebrows before taking the lead and unbuttoning his shirt. Jake followed suit, and as soon as both boys were naked they resumed their assault of each others lips, hands roaming and grabbing at whatever skin they could access. Slender fingertips trailed along taught abs and warm, rough hands squeezed pale ass as the two kissed each other as if the world was ending and this was the last chance they’d ever get. The sound of lips smacking and hushed moans filled the air around them that now seemed cold due to increased heat between them.

 

“Fuck,” Jake groaned, deep in his throat, when their erections managed to brush against each other. Dave shivered, then moved south, slowly getting down on his knees, and began sucking and nipping at his neck, hands moving up to grip his dick, bypassing any teasing and began rubbing him at a steady pace. They only had a single class period, maybe a few minutes into lunch; he had to make this quick yet enjoyable.

 

Dave continued to move lower, soothing his tongue against the planes of Jake’s body. He was _attractive_ , the feel of his warm skin and the way his muscles moved underneath Dave’s touch sent waves of arousal straight to his cock, and fuck he wanted him in his mouth, he wanted to touch him all over. He was hornier than ever, his entire focus was on making Jake feel good so that he could too in return. 

 

There was always the chance that someone would walk by at the wrong time and hear them going at it, but it was the risk that made these excursions worth it.

 

Dave felt his own dick twitch from where it stood, neglected and at full attention, when Jake began mumbling low words of encouragement, weaving his fingers into his blonde hair in an attempt to make him go lower, use his mouth in other places. “Yes, good boy, just a little more to the- yes, mm, just like that, shit yes.”

 

Gently, Dave coaxed Jake down to the floor, laying him down on his back and crawling overtop of him, reconnecting their lips for a moment, teeth clashing and tongues lashing, before maneuvering around so that he straddled his chest and came face to face with the other boy’s leaking cock. It was an odd angle, but Dave wasn’t someone who ran when faced with a challenge. Licking them gently, Dave parted his lips and lightly mouthed at the tip, swiping his tongue across to lick up the precum that threatened to drip over, not wanting even a single drop to escape. 

 

Jake grasped Dave’s hips tightly, the blonde feeling a shiver run through him as he continued stroking his tongue around the tip. Growing frustrated with the lack of stimulation he was receiving in return, Dave rolled his hips down roughly, effectively sending Jake the message. The larger boy took this cue and moved Dave’s pelvis to a better angle, using his hands to spread his legs farther apart. Dave shuddered and gasped when he felt lovely, wet pressure against his cock, and moaned into Jake’s pubes when he felt the other boy take the tip into his mouth.

 

Carefully Dave eased his hips down farther, pushing more of himself into Jake’s mouth, whimpering at the feeling of a tongue swirling around him. He moved his mouth back to Jake’s cock, plunging it as deep in his mouth as he could get, tasting him and humming contentedly. He was so happy to have a dick in his mouth, it was familiar and, in an odd way, comforting.

 

As Dave diligently sucked and bobbed his head, gaining groans and jerks of appreciation from behind, Jake moved his attention from Dave’s dick to his balls, lightly lapping at them, causing the blonde to stutter in his movements, letting out an appreciative whimper. It felt nice, not the kind of stimulation he was used to recieving. Dave’s hands curled into fists as he struggled to hold himself up, the sensations spreading throughout his body, causing him to jerk and press back, wanting more, needing Jake to squeeze him harder, move him mouth faster, oh _god_ he just wanted more more _more_ of the feelings running all over his overheated body.

 

Arms trembling and eyes squeezed shut in pleasure, Dave made himself concentrate on the dick in his mouth, forcing himself down on him all the way, taking him into his throat. 

 

Jake stopped his ministrations momentarily to breathlessly chuckle, “Jesus, you really love sucking my cock, don’t you? Fuck, you like it when I get so deep you can’t breathe anymore, what a needy little _bitch_.”

 

Dave shuddered and groaned, noise muffled around his mouthful of dick. Nothing got him going more than when his partner made him feel degraded, his cock twitched and throbbed at the words. The blonde bobbed his head down, taking in Jake’s dick to the hilt each time as he felt the brunette move his mouth back to lap at his sensitive skin.

 

Both boys were quickly being reduced to quivering messes, both of them struggling to hold on, not putting forth much of an effort to remain quiet anymore. Dave sucked hard at the head of Jake’s dick, trying his damnedest until he got him to cum, feeling the thick streams of white burst in his mouth, filling his tastebuds with the familiar salty flavour, as Jake moaned against the skin of his ass and bucked up farther into his mouth. Dave diligently sucked up every last drop of semen until Jake was completely spent, sprawled out on the cool tile floor and breathing heavily enough to alert the whole school to their positions. 

 

Sitting up, Dave scooted off of his mount on top of the brunette and moved to kneel above him, opting to relieve the ache in his groin with his own hand. He watched the other boy’s face, eyes closed in rapture, lips swollen and abused, and cheeks flushed bright red, visible even in the darkness of the closet. Jake looked like that because of what _he_ did, _he_ was the one who had made another person feel _that_ good, look _that_ gorgeous-

 

With a sharp intake of breath and a shuddery cry, Dave became undone, spilling into his hand and dripping onto the ground as he erratically pumped his fist on his dick. Collapsing down next to the other boy, Dave wrapped his arm around him, resting his head on his tanned shoulder, sighing unsteadily and letting his eyes slip shut for a moment. Dave wasn’t usually a cuddler, but it would be nice to lay there against the heat of another person, just until the bell rang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sighs i had to cut this chapter short because im tired of keeping people waiting and now it doesnt serve its intended purpose i am so sorry  
> also hey  
> my tumblr is [dirckstrider](http://dirckstrider.tumblr.com/) if anyone ever feels like sending me an ask to kick my ass into gear if it ever takes me this long to update again  
> also i post art and stuff there too so???? yeah uvu


	6. FINALLY OMFG

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omfg i literally just got home from vacation twenty minutes ago hahahahhhhhhhh..,.....  
> there are no drawings in this chapter as of rn ill change that once I get the chance to actually draw some out omgg  
> edit: okay i doodles a thing gomen its so shitty im in an art block rn fu uuuuck

For the last few minutes of the period, Dave lightly fiddled with Jake's hair, rolling the dark strands between his fingers as he lay beside the other boy, head resting on his shoulder. Jake was one of the few people who would indulge how clingy he got after sex, which resulted in Jake being one of his favorites. He was a good guy, for the most part. He had his douchey moments and could be oblivious at times, not to mention was cheating on his girlfriend, but he was willing to go the extra mile to make sure that whoever he was with was comfortable and happy. 

 

If the two of them weren't screwing, they'd probably be great friends. 

 

But as it is, it was impossible; someone of Jake's social status could never really openly be friends with a wallflower like Dave unless he _wanted_ the ridicule and insults to be thrown in his direction as well. The football team and the cheerleaders were at the top of the food chain, followed closely by those who feasted on the scraps they left behind, the fashion trenders, the student council, and the less well known sports teams. After them came the members of the interesting clubs, and at the very bottom were the outcasts, the smarties, and the uglies. (Not that Dave was ugly, otherwise his setup with the team would never have happened. At least that's what the more narcissistic side of him like to think. ) The blond didn't really mind being a part of the bottom, it meant he was safe from unwanted annoyances and prying eyes. 

 

Dave was reminded of all of this when Jake gently moved his blond head off of him and rose to his feet, giving a happy, satisfied hum, and gathering up his clothing to pull it back on at a relaxed pace. Dave followed his lead, though stumbled and was much more clumsy than the other boy. Handling fabric was obviously not his forte right after sex. 

 

Fully dressed, Jake turned to his companion and contentedly smiled. "Well, buddy, I think it's just about time for the bell to ring. I'll see you at lunch?" 

 

Dave grunted and waved his hand in response from where he was trying to pull his two shirts on at once. His habit of layering his clothing needed to stop, all it ever did was cause unnecessary problems and didn't even look cool anymore. He heard a chuckle from Jake and the click of an opening and shutting door as he finally fit his head through the right two holes and pulled the hem down. 

 

Alone now, Dave took a moment to use the reflection off his phone's blank screen as a mirror and fix his blond tresses in an attempt to mask the events prior. Not that it would help much, he probably smelled like an incubus' lair. 

 

Finally deeming himself worthy of the public eye, Dave opened the door and stepped out of the cramped and now stank-filled closet. He felt as if this should be some sort of significant, visual metaphor on his sexuality, but seeing as there was not a soul around to witness his grand entrance, he steered that train of thought right off the tracks and into a lake. He was in no way, shape, or form ready to come out to the uneducated bigots that inhabited most of these halls. 

 

As soon as he took a step forward the blaring ring of the next period bell blasted from the loud speakers, signaling the rush of students about to flood out of the classrooms, and that it was time for Dave to book it to the cafeteria if he wanted to get his usual seat that day, plus recollect his things, he realized with a surge of panic. 

 

He ran so fast through those heavy double doors that his sneakers squeaked and a few disgruntled looks were sent his way. It was worth it once he reached his old seat to find his bag untouched and everything still packed away neatly. Brushing his hair off of his forehead, Dave relaxed into the face of nonchalance, slinging his bag over his shoulder and slouching over to a lone round table in the corner of the room to take a seat. The area was quaint, homie, and had a broken-in feel to it. The chairs were horror to sit in and often resulted in numb asses, the table wobbled, and the walls were decorated in slurs and graffiti that gave it an overall feel that would make Dave think he was at home, if not for the constant chatter of gossip and laughter resounding through the air. 

 

"Hey there buddy, what's the haps in your side of the city?" A devious giggle pierced through the din, accompanied by upside-down peace signs and crisscrossed arms. Dave grinned up at Jade and her mischievous, twinkling green eyes. 

 

Playing along with her charade, he responded with a fist bump and various hand movements. "Not much Jadey Two Dope, anything snazzy happenin' on your end?"

 

"Ha ha, you dork!" She launched a punch a bit too hard to his shoulder and slipped into the seat beside him, flinging her banged up Squiddles' lunchbox on the tabletop. She put on a show of rubbing her hands together and laughing maniacally, causing Dave to chuckle at her antics, and opened the treasure chest, revealing the booty: her lunch. 

 

"What's on the menu today, toots?"

 

"Well, for me I made a tuna sandwich on white bread," Dave made a face at the repugnant scent that filled the air as she pulled the sandwich out. "Leftover fried chicken from last night, a salad I grew in my own home, and orange juice I squeezed this morning. For you, sir, I have a fun sized bag of Doritos-"

 

"Heresy, I asked for full sized."

 

"A fresh bottle of apple juice-"

 

"You are a godsend and my new angel."

 

"And a cherry sucker I've been saving just for you, m'dearest Sir Dorksalot."

 

Dave gathered up his offerings and proceeded to devour it like a starving wolverine, while Jade did the same in a more dignified yet exponentially messier style. By the time she had torn through her whole meal she had bits of tuna stuck to her face and an orange stain that looked like South America splattered on the front of her shirt. 

Dave unwrapped his sucker, taking a moment to check for stars on the wrapper, and stuck it in his mouth, savoring the sweet taste and tuning out the sounds of Jade's commentary as she pounded the keys on her old Gameboy Colour that she always sneaks in her lunchbox, trying her damnedest to beat the next gym leader or whatever she was rambling about. 

 

Rambling at times was a thing the two shared, though she didn't do it near as much as Dave did. Jade had more of a tendency of being reduced to a vocabulary consisting of only swears, while Dave usually had many longwinded metaphors and ideas that got out of hand much too quickly. Both quirks had gotten them into many tight spots, and it was a topic they often laughed about on their hangout nights. 

 

Dave sucked the cherry lollipop back between his lips, not realizing he had removed it from his mouth during his musings. Absentmindedness was another thing he had to be careful of, apparently. He swirled the sucker on his lips, feeling like he did as a child when he would say that he was putting on lipstick (something Bro stopped quickly, saying it was 'gross and gay, only disgusting drag queens and women wear lipstick.'), smearing a thin film of sticky residue across them, probably tinting his mouth red. Dave had never really considered his own lips soft or anything special; when he had first been kissed he'd been told his lips were too firm, the next time too chapped, and later on when he practiced with his own hand he couldn't come to a clear conclusion, his lips felt like lips and that was that. 

 

The softest lips that he had kissed so far happened to be Jade's, in fact. He remembered that night clearly, the two of them laying on the hood of her car at a drive-in theater, the stars shining stark against the black of the clear night sky. Dave had leaned over to kiss his best friend's cheek, but at the same time Jade had turned her head to say something, and the oldest of cliches transpired. Their lips met briefly, during which the only thing Dave registered being the silky texture of her lips. To this day he still doesn't know if it was due to the lipgloss she wore or if it was natural. 

 

Thankfully, the little hiccup didn't cause any problems with their relationship, both if them laughing it off and reminiscing about it later on. (Dave had been so relieved that night when Jade explained her views on friend kisses he had been so scared that he fucked up yet another relationship because he couldn't control his god damn lips.)

 

The only other lips he had felt were the football team's; they varied from cracked like broken glass to primped and pampered like royalty. It was interesting to him how he could learn so much about a person's character through their kisses. For example, Jake's lips were often chapped, which meant he was outside a lot in dry air; Dave had later found out that he lived right next to a forest and liked to be outside in the sun almost constantly. Eridan's kisses were rough, controlling, and bruising, reflecting his pompous, all-about-me, bossy attitude. His favorite mouth on the team, at least when it wasnt spewing a flood of bullshit, was Karkat's. The defensive lineman had a vocabulary more colourful than the RGB colour chart, yet in bed he was sweeter than peach pie. His soft, gentle kisses were accompanied by whispered promises that could make the hardest of hearts melt. 

 

Turning his head to look towards the football team's table, he idly wondered what John's lips would feel like. He bet they were soft, yet firm, and that he would be a great kisser. The desire to feel the other boy's mouth struck him like a train, causing him to clench his fists tight to restrain himself. Jealousy pricked at Dave when he imagined other people getting a taste of those lips instead of himself. It just wasn't fair that a person so delectable was able to slip out of his reach. 

 

Dave focused on the table across the room that he'd been turned towards and tried to pick out John among the sea of faces. Lo and behold, at the end closest to him, his target sat there laughing, a smile lighting up his face. The boy was wearing what looked like a tight, white undershirt and an unbuttoned, blue, plaid shirt. If only he was close enough to see that fabric stretched taut over his chest, the thought making Dave bite his lip and fidget. 

 

An idea struck Dave at that moment, a way to seduce the boy and show off all the tricks he could do with his mouth, but John was so engrossed in the conversation he was having that he just wouldn't look the blond's way. 

 

Nevertheless, John Egbert was seventeen years of toned ass, strong arms, and plump lips; aka the hottest thing to ever step foot in this school. 

 

"Uh, what?" 

 

Jade's startled voice snapped Dave out of his reverie. He looked over at her sheepishly to find her staring him with wide, bewildered eyes. 

 

"How do you know John? Like, ew, you _do_ know he's like, my second cousin, right?" 

 

That one really threw him for a loop. "Wait, you're related to him? Does attractiveness just run in your family? I bet if I were to take a look at your DNA sequence it wouldn't spell out the normal C-G-A-T, it would say H-O-T. Scientists everywhere flock to take a look and try to figure just how this gene formed before they just give up, the Harleys have molecular access to the fountain of youth, it's too illogical fir science, they're simply too hot, the lab equipment is melting, oh god Jade it's all your fault, you just couldn't contain your face."

 

"Jesus christ you dorkus, shut up!" She reached over to slap at him, putting her video game away. "Yeah, he just moved down here from Washington a few months ago, that's why he talks funny, and just transferred here. How did you meet? He's in some pretty advanced classes, dude..."

 

Dave ignored that jab at his intelligence to wince. Jade knew that he had a special relationship with the team, and that he was gayer than Houston from June twenty-first to the thirtieth, but she was completely unaware of what exactly went on when he took off to the locker rooms. Quickly, he fabricated an excuse that hopefully the no-bullshit-allowed girl would buy. "I ran into him this morning in the parking lot."

 

Jade didn't even hesitate in her response, and Dave took a mental sigh of relief. "Oh, really? You must've gotten here real early then, gosh." 

 

"I decided to accompany Dirk when he left for his Science Committee meet."

 

Jade slapped her forehead comically. "Shit, did I forget to go again? Aw man, he'll probably be so mad next week..."

 

"Why don't you start using your colourful sillybandz reminders again? Or at least get a planner, jeez."

 

"I can't, I look two years old with that crap on! And anyways, we weren't talking about me, we were talking about you and John! Don't think you can change the subject, mister." She jabbed her finger at him accusingly, suspicious of some conspiracy he hadn't even been conscious of. Unfortunately, her false accusations gave rise to a new horror right out of left field. "Do you have a crush on him or something? That's mighty fast, dude, you only just met this morning, take a dude out to dinner first at least, I mean _damn_."

 

"No, I don't, shut up," Dave forced out, his cheeks tinging pink in embarrassment at the almost bullseye. 

 

Jade slapped her hands on her cheeks and squealed, "Oh my god, you do! Oh, that is so cute Dave, you have to ask him out, oooh it'll make him feel so great! He'd been telling me how he was nervous to make friends but if he had a _boyfriend_ that'd be, like, an instant picker upper!" Jade continued to fuel her own conversation, talking about emotions and quickly leaving the topic of John behind, much to Dave's relief. 

 

It didn't matter, anyways, John wasn't gay. 

 

Yet. 

 

\--

 

The rest of the school day passed without a hitch. To Dave's disappointment, John didn't show up in any of his periods, which led him to believe that the brunet was in higher level classes; Dave himself was in each of the lowest. He was disappointed, however, having hoped for more than just a glance at him during lunch.

 

He didn't even get a chance to scope out some sweet ass. 

 

The sun shone bright and the cicadas chirped as the blond exited the building and proceeded to hike all the way back to his sweet ride. As luck would have it, in the space right next to his dingy truck, was a small white car currently trying to be opened by John Egbert in all his glory, eyebrows pulled together in concentration as he jiggled the key in the lock. Dave slowed to a walk, formulating a plan on a whim, being as quiet as possible, and snuck around the corner of his truck, leaning against the worn paint job. He waited until John let out a groan and threw his hands up in frustration to make his move. 

 

In his most suave voice, Dave broke the silence between them. "Y'know, you're cute when you're flustered."

 

John let out a surprisingly high yelp and a jumped around. His shocked expression turned to a glare of resentful recognition and embarrassment as he grumbled. "Oh, it's you."

 

"Yeah, it's me. How ya' doin', hot stuff?" Dave pushed off of his truck and stepped closer, observing how John backed up against his car. It was cute how futile the effort was; as soon as he could reach, Dave put his hands on the other boy's hips and pulled their bodies together, trapping John between him and the car door. He leaned up on his tippy toes, peering deep into his wide, crystalline eyes and continued in a whisper, "I've been so lonely since you ran out on me. You know how much I love you and your sweet cock-" Dave accentuated that with a swift grab at John's crotch through his jeans, earning a small choke from the taller boy. "-don't you, sugar?"

 

His heart was racing with excitement at the close proximity, and to be frank he never thought he would make it this far with being so forward without getting punched in the face. It looks like hitting on John incessantly may actually work, to a point, so there was no way Dave was going back up now and let him get away so soon. 

 

John managed to stutter a quick "J-jesus, okay, uh," with hands scrabbling at Dave's own held against his hips. "What do you think youre doing?"

 

"Oh, y'know, just getting ready to head home," Dave murmured, eyelids drooping as he pressed his chest into John's, practically throwing himself at him, imagining that he could feel every outline of his muscles instead of clothing. He let go of his hips and slid his hands slowly up his sides, trying to be sensual about it. 

 

"Doesn't look like it," John growled, making Dave squirm, god he sounded so hot, he should use that voice in bed, he could get anything he wanted with just his words. His eyes slipped shut as he ground his hips down on the taller boy's, rubbing their dicks together. 

 

That seemed to be the last straw, as John landed a tight grip on the blond's shoulders and shoved him away, holding him as far away as the space between their vehicles allowed. He blue eyed boy sent a searing glare his way, to which Dave responded with his tongue swiping across his lips. He tried to step forward, only to be roughly shoved against his truck's door. He grunted as the air was knocked out of his lungs and his shoulders took the brunt of the hit; he would be sore for a day or two. Still, he fought on, doing his best to seduce the other boy, lifting his leg up and resting it against the other car, blocking his escape and showing off his shapely legs. 

 

"Mm, you know how I like being forces and pinned down, oh baby." The blond threw his head back and moaned.

 

"Dave. Move." John sounded dangerously serious, only encouraging Dave all the more. The short boy was high off a rush of adrenaline from all the shoving and touching, as well as the lovely feeling of release at pissing people off. 

 

"Don't be like that, baby, I know you want a ride on this." He accentuated his words with a pelvic thrust. "I mean, I _am_ the hottest commodity on the bicurious black market."

 

Dave grinned at the sight of John's jaw clenching as the boy ground out, "I'm not gay."

 

"Sure you ain't," and with that, Dave shoved off his truck, ran his index finger along John's chin in farewell, and finished it off with a bump of his ass against that sweet dick. Before John could move from his stunned position Dave had already hopped in his mode of transportation and brought the engine to life. The blond chanced one last grin towards John to see him flash his middle finger. Dave waved and blew him a kiss. 

 

Still coming down from his fearless high, Dave chuckled to himself, small laughs quickly rising to chortles that shook his whole body, temporarily incapacitating him as he let go of the wheel to grip his aching stomach muscles. 

 

It took a whole three minutes and twenty-eight seconds for him to calm down enough to be able to drive without killing anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i was proofreading this i realized that i retained some bad habits from my anime fanfic days and i havent shaken loose of them yet oopsies i am Sorry.....,.,.,..


	7. FFFIANLLLYYYYYYy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is only half as long as it was going to be because i haaatttted keeping u guys waiting haha ssssorry
> 
> there wont be any more updates until i get my summer reading reports done wish me luck i have to fuckin read jane eyre and the ocne and future king do u have any idea how fuckin long those books r
> 
> also i didnt proof read this ://////////////////////
> 
> edit: fuckin dumbass pesterloggggsssss

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]at 17:32 --

 

TG : so

TG: jade

GG : ??? yeah dave ??

GG: what do you want turdlord im trying to study :P

TG: wow hurtful

TG: think before you speak harley just because were friends doesnt mean your comments dont hurt

GG: :l

GG: dumbass

GG: you know i was joking

TG: yeah so was i idiot

GG: fartface

TG: peebrain

GG: loserbutt

TG: old bag

GG: small dick

TG: oh no you didnt

GG: oh yes i did ;P hehe

TG: haha alright enough bullshitting

TG: do you remember lunch

GG: of course i do it was only today silly!!

TG: do you remember the certain someone we talked about towards the end of the period?

GG: the hottest thing to ever step foot in this school according to you...

GG: how could i forget that you have a lil crush on my cousin!!

TG: okay wow no lets get things straight right now jade

TG: cant have all these crazy ideas rattling around inside that empty barn you call a brain

GG: you say that to someone who has won countless science awards :I

TG: yeah well guess whos brother has beat you at every science fair

TG: tsk tsk jade you cant even win a silly little high school contest 

TG: how do you expect to win the nobel prize when you become a famous rocket scientist or whatever 

TG: fuck okay were getting off topic here

GG: you mean you are!!

TG: yeah so

TG: im gonna make it clear that my attraction to him is purely sexual

TG: no romantic intentions here

TG: tbh i dunno if i could stand a single date with the guy

GG: well try getting to know him first?? gosh its not that hard

TG: well he has glasses so hes probably a nerd

GG: >:I

TG: joking

TG: anyway what can you tell me about him

TG: give me the inside scoop ice cream lady before all the cream starts melting

TG: actually nah let the vanilla melt and then dribble it all over my face so i can seduce him

GG: ewwww dave you are my friend i do not want to think of that!!

TG: really

GG: haha no i dont give a shit ;>

GG: so you want to know about him so you can have sex with him?

TG: yes

TG: basically

TG: i need to know what buttons to push

GG: ummmmmm i dont really know where to start!!

GG: i mean he literally just moved here? i dont know too much about him...

GG: have you tried talking him yourself?

TG: yeah i gave him my chumhandle but he still hasnt contacted me that douche

GG: maybe its because you come on a bit strong?

TG: what

TG: what are you implying there harley

GG: wellllllll...

GG: i can only imagine what went on this morning when you two met!! 

TG: oh god

TG: do you think i fucking came onto him

TG: because i didnt

TG: i have more self control than that

GG: well dude!! you can be a little intense and a lot to deal with!!

GG: you dont really take being told no too well at first ive noticed....

GG: dont take that the wrong way btw

GG: maybe try just easing into the relationship and then doing sex after the third date or something?? 

GG: i wouldnt know the right time ive never really been in a relationship long enough :P

TG: but i dont want a relationship

TG: i just want to touch his boner and maybe have him touch mine a little bit maybe

TG: that would be nice

GG: ugh i know right dicks are so great

TG: tell me about it

TG: its like

TG: how can a hypersensitive stick of meat be so great

GG: they should be gross but theyre actually not? ;P

GG: its crazy

TG: vaginas though are like

TG: ew

TG: stay away oh god its gonna swallow me up ill be stuck inside a moist cavern farming yeast for the rest of my life

GG: hey now!! >:I

GG: dont knock it till you try it

GG: until youve had your mouth on a sweet muff you dont get to say things like that

TG: i thought you havent had sex before

TG: have you not been telling me things

GG: well....

TG: jade i am hurt i thought we were besties

TG: im taking my friendship bracelot and im going to burn it while shoving cookie dough in my mouth while listening to evanescence and linkin park on repeat

GG: geez!! :O

GG: i just didnt tell you because vaginas gross you out!!

GG: i didnt want the conversation to be uncomfortable :B

GG: penile attraction is something we have in common so its easier to share!!

TG: you know what else im attracted to

TG: john 

TG: and you know what we should be sharing

TG: information about him

GG: awhh okay!! like i said i dont know much but...

GG: he really likes movies?? i dont know which ones but when he came over he mentioned matthew mcconahey or s/t...

GG: he has a lot of shirts with ghosts on em too :P

TG: his entire being is literally screaming nerd rn

GG: hehe 

GG: he can be a smartass sometimes too so watch out for snarky comments

TG: sounds like a joy to be around

GG: oh!! i almost forgot the most important thing!! :OOO

TG: ?

GG: dont let him near shaving cream or a pie

GG: just trust me

TG: wtf why

GG: im not gonna say any more!! youll find out on your first date eventually

GG: because i am totally going to set you two up ;>

TG: ugh jade no okay i dont want to date him i just want his peepee to touch my body okay

TG: besides he isnt even gay

GG: you dont know that!!

GG: just because he says he isnt gay doesnt mean hes not bi or pan or demi!!

GG: he could even be asexual

TG: youre right but

TG: i dont think this guy is clever enough to conceal an interest in sausage in such a clever way

TG: he seemed like a dope

GG: hes more of a doof i think

GG: not exactly dumb just oblivious at times :P

TG: yeah

TG: k harley im gonna run

TG: got fries to cook

TG: dishes to do

TG: someone needs to keep this apartment clean

GG: haha!! have fun!! :D

 

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:21 --

 

Dave spun around in his chair after powering his computer down, scratching the back of his head before getting up to go take responsibility for the royal mess he’d made in the kitchen an hour prior. Bro was still a no-show, and Dirk couldn’t cook for shit, so Dave had stuck some frozen french fries in the oven and left, hoping a fire didn’t start in his absence. Normally he would order takeout, but he didn’t know where Bro kept the money and he wasn’t about to go snooping in his bedroom. Who knew what sort of dark secrets lurked beneath the floorboards, what heinous substances oozed from the walls and stained the bedsheets. 

 

 

Entering the kitchen, the blonde was greeted with the sight of Dirk munching on his fries, having taken them out of the oven already. His eyes narrowed when he spied just how many fries were left; he wasn’t surprised at how little they had dwindled to, Dirk was a voracious eater. He stomped over to him, raising his hand and contorting his face into a look of anger, about to start a fight over this, when a vibration in his pocket stopped him dead in his tracks. He saw his brother raise an eyebrow at him, chewing away, as he reached into his pants and pulled out his phone, still buzzing with new message notifications.

 

Dave unlocked the screen to find several new messages from Jade. He walked over to the baking sheet and stuck a fry in his mouth and opened the messages, curious as to what Jade could need so soon after their conversation had ended.

 

** >messages from: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:23 **

 hey dude!!!!! i got something really important for you!! :D

hey

hey

hey

heyyyyyyy

answer your phone dumbass >:<< 

dddddaaaaavvvvvvvvvee

david markus strider you answer your text messages right this instant or im not going to tell you the really important thing!! >:o

 

**> messages to: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:28**  


holy shit its only been like

not even five minutes wow impatient much harley

whats so important

 

** >message from: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:28**

omg finally!!! okay so as we were talking i was talking to john right? and guess what he saidddddd :>

 

** >message to: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:29**

hes super gay and was just closeted but hes out now and wants to touch my penis

 

** >message from: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:29**

omg nooo not yet but!! i got you his number >:>

 

** >message to: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:29**

omfg r u srs

 

** >messages from: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:30**

hell yeah!! i managed to convince him to give u a chance at talking

it took a lot of convincing let me tell ya but ol jadey knows her stuff ;>

 

 ** >message to: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:30** 

omg jade i love i love you i love youuuu i owe you one okay if u ever need anything just ask i will give you a kidney if u need it

** >messages from: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:31**

haha silly :P youd do that stuff anyway

but yeah here it is: 855 429 2888

 

** >message to: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:31**

i l lvceoe you im gonna smooch ur faceeeeee

 

** >message from: jade the LOSER lol pwned swagg at 18:31**

someone seems excited ;> haha go have fun!! but go easy on the guy i dont think his poor heart can handle all you have have to offer rn

 

Dave exited out of his texting application his a huge, giddy smile on his face, excitement making him fidget and bounce on his feet where he stood leaning against the kitchen counter.

 

“What’s up?” Dirk asked, swallowing the last of the fries. Dave frowned for a moment when he realized all the fries were gone, but his lips instantly quirked back up into a grin that threatened to split his face in two.

 

“I just scored the phone number of a hot babe.” They bumped fists at that.

 

“Nice. What’s he look like?”

 

“Black-ish hair, kinda tan, glasses, bright blue eyes, a killer smile, and a rockin’ bod.”

 

Dirk mumbled a short, “Damn,” under his breath, knocked Dave on the shoulder, then left the room, shooting his brother a quick, “Good luck,” before disappearing.

 

Dave haphazardly flung the dirty cooking tray into the crowded sink, already feeling giddy with excitement, and walked back to his room with a happy hop in his step. He flopped down on his bed and pulled his phone out in front of his face, eagerly adding John’s number into his contacts.

 

Dave’s fingertips flew across the keys, typing out a greeting and moved to hit send, but paused, finger hovering over the button.

 

“hey dude whats up”

 

Did that really convey the message he wanted to send to him? What if John would react angrily towards him? What if this was the wrong thing to say and it would just drive a rift between the two? Dave gnawed on his lip, eyebrows pulling together as he wondered over whether his usual greeting was inappropriate for this particular circumstance.

 

After a few more seconds deliberation, he deleted it all and retyped it, this time showing not an ounce of hesitation when he hit the button that sealed his fate.

 

** >message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 18:42**

hows ur night goin i want you to spank me and call me a whore whats up

 

Much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> johns phone number actually spells gay butt hehehe ;))))))))))
> 
> dave is also. a big dumb.
> 
> also pls plsplssssss tell me if u see spelling/grammar mistakes k thanks


	8. chap 8 what the efuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh the format shit for the texts in this is fuckin shit im gonna change it to pesterlogs soon so itll be easier to fuckin type out damn
> 
> ps: no art plus no preoofread so if things sound awkward/grammar mistake/spelling error i am begging you to point it out for me

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:42**

 

wow, i wonder who this is. 

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:43**

 

hey babe 

insert winky face here or w/e

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:43**

 

not even five texts later and i already regret giving you my number

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:44**

 

thats part of the patented dave special

served only in five star restaurants patrons clamber for a chance to have a taste

except now the tables have turned and its me who wants to have a taste

a taste of you

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:44**

 

i can assure you that my meat is overcooked and tough, not a good meal at all.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:45**

 

how about we start over then get some fresh meat and pound it a little to soften it up then cook it nice and slow in some nice savory juices

or we can just cut to the chase and slide that tough piece of meat in between some hot buns and eat it as is

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:45**

 

is there this much homoerotic subtext in everything you write?

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:45**

 

u wanna find out?

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:45**

 

not really no. 

i'd rather, oh, i dunno...

not be constantly hit on? because if you havent noticed, im not gay.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:46**

 

man that is so

boring??? lame??? grey

mainstream

experiment a little bit get to know the playing field make mistakes fuck a dude in the ass get fucked in the ass yourself

live a little

dont be a het stick in the mud

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:47**

 

hey! im not being a stick in the mud!

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:47**

 

you are a square and you know it

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:47**

 

shut up! i am not, now lets stop talking about this.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:47**

 

someone sounds defensive

r u hiding something john? your true sexuality mayhaps?

tsk tsk what a naughty boy

youll have to be punished for that

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:48**

 

i am shuddering over here dude.

you sounds like a creepy old man hitting on his 12 year old nephew.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:48**

 

ew wow lets not go down that route pls you are killing my boner

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:48**

 

now you know how i feel.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:48**

 

i dont actually have a boner btw but u know i could if u know what i mean 

cough sexting cough

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:49**

 

why dont we have an actual conversation?

have you ever considered that maybe i would be more open to your advances if maybe we actually got to know each other?

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:49**

 

thats boring but im listening

what do you want to know about me mr conversational studmuffin

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:49**

 

okay, uh,

how do you know jade? 

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:50**

 

r u kidding me

i know ur new n all but come on man jade and i are like inseparable

bffsies the dynamic duo the one true platonic pairing weve seen each other naked we know all each others secrets we have sleepovers and talk about cute boys while painting our nails and dish out the latest gossip and give each other makeovers i mean cmon

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:50**

 

your exaggerations are getting tiring.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:51**

 

i wasnt exaggerating though

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:51**

 

oh.

OH.

okay then. 

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:51**

 

yeah man

now tell me about you

whyd u move to hillbilly hell (to quote that talking cars movie)

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:52**

 

classy. 

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:52**

 

yeah i know im a real charmer

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:52**

 

yeah well okay so i used to live in washington, ya know?

it was a quaint little town, quiet neighborhood. i had a tire swing in the front yard.

my dad worked for this big office, it was some sort of insurance firm or whatever.

and the company flopped so he and the other 1500 employees were suddenly jobless.

my nanna had left us enough money to get by for a long time, but my dad decided that ‘hey why dont we move closer to the rest of our family in texas?’

so i get to live here near jade who i didnt know about before like a month ago and my dad is opening up a bakery on maplewood ave. the end.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:53**

 

exciting

are you rip raring for all the sweet new adventures ur gonna have here boy skylark

i bet ur 12 year old self wouldve wet his fucking pants if his dad told him he was gonna move thousands of miles away from northern suburbia

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:53**

 

you think you know me so well, dont you. you just have my personality down pat.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:53**

 

you just seem like that kind of guy

kid-you probably ran around in mudpuddles and caught every kind of bug in his backyard

the most exciting moment of your summer before fourth grade was when you caught a turtle all on your own and you brought it in to show and tell the first day of school

you had a funeral when it died

had an engraved stone and everything

here lies sprite he was a good friend 

he listened to me and didnt get mad at me and didnt eat the last of the doritos that i had been saving for a special day

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:54**

 

here, let me pull up and chair and we can talk more in depth about your childhood trauma.

look, i even have a notebook to take down notes.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:54**

 

sniffles thank you for seeing me on such short notice doc

i just have a lot of feelings about a lot of turtles yknow

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:54**

 

mmhmm. and how does that make you feel?

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:55**

 

i want to fall asleep and go to dreamland the only place sprite is back with me the only place im happy anymore

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:56**

 

okay. its official. im going to diagnose you now.

come closer.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:56**

 

leans forward in anticipation

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:56**

 

closer.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:56**

 

gets even closer

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:57**

 

closer....

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:57**

 

so close there is barely any space between us whats wrong with me u ass

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:57**

 

you are.....

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:57**

 

cuts you off with a kiss

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:57**

 

wow fuck you. kicks you out of my office.

youre going to fuckin jail.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:57**

 

no doc i wont make in the stony lonesome

i have an unknown thing to be diagnosed

i wont survive without you and your sweet ass dick

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:57**

 

youre a loser oh my god.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:58**

 

what else is new

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:58**

 

no. thats the disease.

you have caught the loser virus.

there is no cure.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:58**

 

gasps

i have one request before i die

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:58**

 

what is it, kathy?

you can tell me anything, kathy.

the kids are here too, kathy.

the whole family is here to listen to your final words, kathy.

kathy i love you.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:58**

 

i...

i want you to fuck me

right here right now in front of everyone

show them all how much we love each other

jared please

jared my darling

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:58**

 

kathy........

ur fukkin gay lol

jumps out of the windows ollies onto skateboard. l8r h8rs.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 22:59**

 

sobs jared no come back

 

Dave lifted a hand up to his mouth, stifling the chuckles escaping from between his lips. To say he was pleasantly surprised was an understatement; John was actually funny, and entertaining to talk to. The blonde was currently sprawled out on his bed, feet kicking back and forth in the air as he tried to contain his shaking laughter, and iPhone practically pressed against his nose as he eagerly awaited a reply.

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:01**

 

never. it is time for me to start my new life as king of the sun people. 

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:01**

 

omfg

so hey i have a question

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:01**

 

shoot.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:01**

 

do you think i could have your pesterchum

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:02**

 

no. fuck no.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:02**

 

what come on

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:02**

 

nope.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:03**

 

i promise i wont hit on you

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:03**

 

noooooooooooooope.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:04**

 

whyyyyyyyyyyy

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:04**

 

just because we have a single good conversation does not mean were friends, and pesterchum is for friends only.

hence the word chum in the name.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:05**

 

that hurts me john. why must you do this to me

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:06**

 

hehe, maybe sometime in the future you can convince that youre worthy.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:06**

 

how about i just convince you right now

i will suck your dick for a whole week as many times as you want free of charge

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:06**

 

no. ew. i do not want your gross lips near my junk.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:06**

 

heinous lies my lips are not gross they are full and luscious

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:07**

 

that may be true but you still have a lot more convincing to do.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:08**

 

so you think my lips are full and luscious

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:09**

 

what no.

wait.

shit.

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:09**

 

whatever, im still not gay.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:09**

 

uh huh sure

but yeah so

its kind of a pain in the ass to type on this teeny ass phone ya feel

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:09**

 

i was just thinking that using pesterchum online would be a much easier way of communicating

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:09**

 

nice try buster.

you aint gettin no chumhandle out of me.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:10**

 

ill just go ask jake then

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:10**

 

no wait what the fuck how did you????????

how did you know he has it?

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:10**

 

i didnt

i just guessed

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:11**

 

thanks for the info though ill go message him now

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:11**

 

no!

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:12**

 

what

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:13**

 

i dont want him to know im talking to you.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:14**

 

i see gotta protect ur rep huh

u gotta pay up or ill destroy u man the clocks ticking

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:14**

 

ughhhhhhhhh.

i hate you.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:14**

 

im attracted to you

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:14**

 

fuck okay, you know what? no.

im gonna make you work for it.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:14**

 

dont be such a tease

see i just said a common line in internet fanfiction

does that turn you on

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:14**

 

my dick has never been softer.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:15**

 

fuck it im out goodnight

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:15**

 

okay ill talk to you later bye.

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:15**

 

that was the part where you were supposed to beg me to stay wtf asshole

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:15**

 

how to be a heartbreaker </3

 

**> message to: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:16**

 

did u just quote marina

 

**> message from: one day well shag john just u fuckin wait at 23:16**

 

you saw nothing. goodnight. 

 

Laughing quietly to himself, Dave locked his phone and tossed it towards his pillow, stretching out on his back and sighing contently. He’d learned a lot about John, and found himself eager to talk to him more. His words had just the right amount of snark, and he didn’t back down when Dave threw his bullshit at him. Instead, he took it head on and flung it right back. He could see the family resemblance between him and Jade through that.

 

Above his head, his phone buzzed and flashed, alerting him to new messages. Lazily, Dave reached up and grabbed it, but immediately went stony-faced and powered it down when he saw that the two new texts were from Rose, not even bothering to look at them. He knew deep down that he was being childish towards her, and that she only wanted what was best for him, but she had wounded his pride. She had called him out on things he didn’t want to acknowledge just yet, and he had animorphed into a pouty little child who had gotten his favorite toy taken away from him. She could wait a few more days, anyways.

 

Dave got up, yawned and stripped down to his underwear, plugged his phone into the charger and flopped into bed, pulling one of his pillows on top of his head, as usual, to keep the light of the morning out of his face when the sun rose. He adjusted his face so his nose was exposed to cool air and hunkered down to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be less just talking and more dave getting laid


End file.
